


Silver Birdcage

by Illusioneery (Arkee)



Series: Silver Birdcage 'Verse [1]
Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: A Little Crack Here And There, Body Horror, Cloud Strife Doesn't Always Forgive People But It's Okay, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Puppet Shenanigans, Redemption & Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, Weird Lifestream Effects, Weird Mind Shenanigans, Weird dreams, alcohol mention, mako poisoning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2018-08-29 12:04:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 38,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8488783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arkee/pseuds/Illusioneery
Summary: At the end of his journey, Cloud's able to defeat his enemy, as much as Holy is able to minimize the damage caused by Meteor. But with that, also comes a journey to help an unexpected someone.





	1. Aftermath In The Northern Crater

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a thing I started back some night in August while trying to free myself from a massive writer's block! (And that somehow became a multi-chapter I was lazy to post here) At this point considering how many unfinished drafts/WIPs I have with "Cloud and Sephiroth in a post-boss fight situation", I could say that maybe I have a thing with writing on this theme, ah. Anyways, it's kind of short-chaptered (maybe very much so). I hope it's an enjoyable read!

At that very last moment Cloud couldn’t help but look back at the enemy he had felled.

Maybe it was a mistake, he thought, as he saw the look in those pale, bright turquoise eyes. There was no longer any malice in them, rather, they looked as though their owner was pleading for some kind of mercy.

He didn’t know what exactly he saw in those eyes that had him decide in that very last second that he would be no better than the man before him if he had just turned and walked away, but yet there it was; a hand extended to the one who took away so many things from him. (And indirectly collaborated for other things to be taken as well.)

A hand that Sephiroth took, quite alarmed by the gesture, but without words to offer him.

* * *

The blond came back to his senses in his body to a worrisome situation: part of the Crater was collapsing in the aftermath of the battles faced there. The realization that he had been holding onto something — rather, someone — only downed on the others once the risk of him falling into the depths below was far away and he sat on safe ground. A very shocked Tifa took a few steps backwards.

“Cloud?! What is he—”

“I… I can explain!”

Except he still couldn’t understand his own reasoning behind what he did, pulling Sephiroth out of the Lifestream with him like so. The man in question had nothing to offer in his own defense, his head lolling on Cloud’s shoulder and the rest of him seemingly unresponsive. Ironically, like a puppet without someone to pull the strings.

The whole place, however, started shaking again before an explanation could be provided. They had to get out even if the blond would get ugly looks from the others due to whom he insisted in carrying along out of that place.

* * *

In the end he had a massive argument with Tifa regarding Sephiroth’s  _breathing_  existence. Barret seemed to support her, as did many others in their group, resulting in Cloud having to assume full responsability for the man in question and even so they still suspected him enough to pitch their tents for the night a little away just in case.

It hurt, but there was no way he could really blame them after everything they’ve been through, after all of them even lost a dear friend due to Sephiroth’s schemes. But, Cloud couldn’t bring himself to regret that decision.

Nor could he bring himself to sleep with the man not being that far away.

He needed a good night of sleep as just a Cure wouldn’t be enough after the things he’d been through. And yet there he was, watching the still unconscious man. Sephiroth didn’t wake up even since they returned from the Lifestream, despite the notably loud argument about his presence. It was somewhat concerning, the thought that his nemesis could wake up while he slept.

The lack of sleep offering what sounded like a bad idea, he approached the other man to check his eyes, perhaps something he should’ve done from the beginning of this whole ordeal anyway.

An unusual green and a blank look as if his spirit was somewhere else.  _Mako poisoning_. Not that he ever thought Sephiroth could be somehow immune to that, but yet… it felt so odd, so wrong to see him like that. But at the very least, it explained how Sephiroth had gone through that argument without waking up. He just  _couldn’t_.

Cloud sighed. It looked like that one would be a long night.


	2. Before Taking The Highwind To The Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud and Tifa have a (calm) conversation before the party leaves the Northern Crater.

Cloud woke up abruptly.

At some point of that night he’d fallen asleep without noticing, which wasn’t that surprising, given how tired he was after everything. It was just odd that he couldn’t remember what was it that made him return to full awareness so suddenly that he felt quite dizzy.

But even so, the time of his awakening had been rather convenient; as there was a shadow just outside his tent.

“Cloud? …You awake?” It sounded like Tifa.

“Uhm… yeah. Come in.”

The brunette looked as though she had a hard time sleeping. She glanced at the still unmoving Sephiroth with some clear distaste upon entering, then sat beside the blond with a sigh. It looked like she was gathering her words to say something difficult.

“I… wanted to apologize for yesterday. That thing I said, about us getting in trouble because of you losing control to Sephiroth and that I regret bringing you into Avalanche… I didn’t mean it, I just… Gaia… I’m sorry.”

Cloud let out a tired humming noise. Oh yes, the things she said the night before… They still rang in his ears even if he tried not to pay much mind to them. It was often said that some ugly truths are prone to be let out in those kinds of arguments. He wondered… how much of what Tifa had yelled at him had been unpleasant but real? — Even worse, was the part about her doubting his story on him being a SOLDIER but never bringing the topic up during their journey for real? And what exactly where those “feelings” she said she had that were left almost in subtext? Was she feeling… rejected because of him being unable to bear feelings towards her other than those of friendship? Was he just assuming too much about that heated discussion?

Ugh. The blond shook his head and let out a troubled sigh.

“I… Teef. I don’t know if I can forgive you for most of the things you said. I mean, for real? You made me doubt myself, then you basically said you don’t trust my judgement and didn’t give me a chance to gather my thoughts to explain myself properly.” He averted his gaze to the unconscious man nearby. His mind was still trying to define why he pulled Sephiroth out of the Lifestream along with him and trying to understand how someone without a body could be pulled out of there and immediately have one, but deep inside, it felt… right. Many wrongs had felt right before, but most of those he had followed when he was under effect of Sephiroth’s manipulation. Cloud doubted that Sephiroth could even manipulate himself at the moment, so there was that. Doubting his instincts now would do more harm than good, even if said instincts put him in an awkward situation.

“Cloud…”

“But,” he looked at her again “that doesn’t mean I didn’t say a lot of ugly things too, — Sorry for that, by the way — and it doesn’t mean we can’t try again. Hel, if we couldn’t try again, I don’t think we’d be here. So… uhm… let’s do this. With calm. Without yelling at each other. Alright?”

Tifa nodded in simple acceptance of what he said, then put the question that had been lingering since the night before into less aggressive words.

“Why didn’t you leave him in the Lifestream?”

“I… don’t know.” He held a hand up before Tifa could hastily speak again. “I  _was_  going to, but the way he looked at me made me feel… wrong in doing that. Reminded me of the time he destroyed our hometown and walked away.”

She simply nodded again, accepting that.

“Didn’t he try to… y’know… murder you in your sleep?”

“Uh, about that… I think he’s mako poisoned. His eyes are… well, you can see for yourself.”

She did, wary and ready to jerk away at any sudden reaction. Mako bright and devoid of life even if the man was breathing slowly.

“It’s not fair…” She chuckled nervously, trying to set aside that fear with a lighter comment “His eyelashes are longer than mine.”

It made Cloud snort with laughter in reaction. “…Gaia, Tifa. Anyway, I don’t think he could’ve manipulated me if he’s not in the state of mind to even be conscious.”

“Yeah, maybe… but Cloud? What do you think he’ll do if he, uh… wakes up?”

“…I don’t know. I think we’ll have to figure out when— if the time comes.”

* * *

Cid didn’t like the idea of bringing Sephiroth of all people into his airship, even after the things she and Cloud told them all. He was so wary and with reason, but by the end of it all, no matter the bad winds they’ve been through since Cloud returned with…  _him_ , he was still helping a friend in need of a favor.

He just wondered what would be Vincent’s reaction to that. Vincent was certainly a man of many mysteries, but there was no doubt something quite personal bothered him when it came to Sephiroth; a son of a woman he once loved. A man he held as the coming of a punishment for his failures and that, like the mother, couldn’t be saved.

Yuffie certainly would throw some sort of tantrum about it, that kid. It was certainly justified: Sephiroth along with Shinra had brought Wutai down to its current state. Now, Vincent… was certainly one to worry about. Not that Cid imagined he wouldn’t be alright, but most likely things would be buried away and feelings suppressed.

Thinking of which, his PHS rang. He sighed at the familiar number — Yuffie’s, since Vincent himself didn’t have a phone — and picked it up. Hopefully it was just good news of how they managed to evacuate Midgar just on time. Maybe… Cid could inform them of the current situation instead of arriving at Midgar with that kind of surprise.

Maybe, if Cait Sith’s signal wasn’t so unstable both in the Crater and in the airship, Reeve would already know. He somehow hoped that picking up the phone would result in Yuffie yelling from her end of the line to save himself from the need of telling and explaining that madness.

But yet, that wasn’t what happened.


	3. Mako Fueled Haze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud tries to rest. The attempt doesn't go all that well, however.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some (implied?) violence against a child going on at some point for this chapter. Also mako-fueled trips are really weird of a thing, ah.

Cloud excused himself to rest a little more before they could meet up with Vincent and Yuffie, — and oh Gaia, did he hear the loudness that was that one phone call Cid had with said girl — as the previous night was too turbulent for him to properly sleep; waking up so suddenly didn’t help much, too.

He closed the door behind him with a sigh. Sephiroth was exactly where he left him after boarding the Highwind, still stuck in that comatose state. Looking at his sleeping face gave the blond many mixed feelings: he remembered the man resting inside a crystal; seemingly asleep but still watching his every move, pulling invisible strings to draw him in, to trick him into giving away the key to the world’s destruction. It brought a sensation of wariness, but also the peace from a time Sephiroth was just someone he looked up to, someone he wanted to fight beside and not against.

“I really hope you can’t hear my thoughts or something like that.” Cloud said aloud while sitting on his own bed. It was incredibly odd, talking to someone who couldn’t reply, especially when said someone used to be the enemy. (Or so he hoped it to be the case, as he wasn’t very fond of the idea of Sephiroth waking up ready to resume his attempt of destroying the Planet.) “Or that you plan to kill me in my sleep when you wake up… Barret threatened to explode you if you do, ah.”

Sephiroth made no attempt to reply nor could he do so for very obvious reasons. He breathed slowly, as if deep asleep and not caring for any possible conversations. Thankfully, he wasn’t a snorer or else it would be much harder to rest in that same room. The blond all but flopped down on the little bed, thinking.

“Y’know… last time I got stuck with mako poisoning I needed someone to help me get out. Maybe you need someone to help you too? But not me, of course… you’d probably just drag me in instead of getting out. Hm… maybe someone in Cosmo Canyon…” He ended up yawning “Just… Gaia, let me be sure this is really the right thing to do…”

* * *

The blond dreamed. 

He walked down a long corridor that looked familiar, like the ones back in Shinra, — maybe exactly like so — that seemed to go on forever until it dissolved into mako green that pulsated as if it was breathing, eventually closing around him and swallowing him whole. It was enough to fill him with desperation, being within mako like so. It couldn’t hurt him, but still it felt uncomfortable; almost as if the space around him was getting smaller and smaller, trapping him inside.

 _A mako tube, for a rather short subject_.

It shattered abruptly, with him falling on the floor among the shards. Cloud barely had time to recollect himself before he heard someone scream, along with a loud slap. It sounded like a child and he wanted to head into the direction it seemed to come from, but the laboratory he was in had no door.

A voice held him in place anyway, clearly sounding like Hojo and echoing as if it was coming from everywhere around him.

“How many times do I have to say that you can’t take the specimen out of its cage?!” The room seemed to tremble and blink in red, an alarm going off and increasing in volume by each passing second “I’m talking to you! You. Are. Supposed to look at me!” Along with the alarm, the voice kept growing distorted, until it wasn’t Hojo anymore. Until it wasn’t possible to recognize who was speaking anymore.

“ _You aren’t meant to disobey me._ ”

By this point, Cloud was sure of three things. One, he wasn’t exactly in a dream. Two, it definitely wasn’t his “dream”. Three, he was completely terrified and wanted to leave whatever this was; the room that kept shaking, shrinking around him, filling his ears with that much noise from screaming, distortion and the alarm that wouldn’t stop.

He screamed at last and the whole place exploded into tiny, seemingly endless birds of pure mako. The cacophony surrounding him stopped to give room to the sound of birds. The blond now found himself in a clearing where, not that away from him, three figures seemed to have a conversation; a raven haired man dressed in a standard First Class uniform, one with auburn hair wearing a matching red leather coat and… Sephiroth. Cloud couldn’t hear what the three of them were talking about and they didn’t look like they were able to hear or see him.

They arrived at some sort of agreement. They sparred together. The whole place blinked as if it were powered by some sort of energy and it ran out of it, and with that nothing of the original place remained but Sephiroth, standing in a training room.

Cloud almost jumped when he felt something drag him into somewhere else altogether; a space of emptiness and mostly darkness aside from the streams of green sometimes passing by.

“Get out right now. You aren’t supposed to be here.” It was Sephiroth but he sounded tired, somehow, and looked as such, too. “I don’t want you to see any of this.”

“But… I don’t even know how I got in.”

“It makes no difference.” The man groaned at the passing Lifestream that seemed to be gathering around him. “Get. Out.” He shoved the blond away with whatever strength he could muster, which to Cloud was more akin to the feeling of being ran over by something than the one of another person pushing him away. Worse yet was that it didn’t work the first time so Sephiroth did it again.

* * *

Cloud woke up abruptly, feeling so dizzy that it made him almost want to throw up. He carefully rolled to look at the bed on the other side, where Sephiroth was still stuck in the same state as before. He rubbed his eyes uncomfortably, trying to gather himself after that disturbing… “trip”.

Standing up after that… was the end of whatever he ate before this whole ordeal by the time he could reach a bucket nearby.

“What… what did I say about dragging me in?!” He asked the unconscious man, accusingly. But Sephiroth, of course, didn’t reply nor the blond’s stomach seemed to cooperate.

 _Ugh_. Hopefully, there was a bucket close to him.


	4. Regarding The Big Bird Situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud has a short talk with Cid and is "invited" to another trip.

He got to talk to Cid again at a time when the others weren’t around. Or rather, Cait Sith was, but apparently dormant for the time being. Maybe Cloud was still showing the effects of waking up after the mess that was getting dragged into someone else’s mind, as the first thing Cid said when he saw him was “Hey, are you sick or something?”

“I… Gaia. The messed up kind of sick, yeah” And even having recovered a little, the blond needed to lean on the closest thing available for balance. “I ended up in Sephiroth’s mind for a moment… I guess.”

Cid sighed, approaching him to guide the blond into sitting before anything embarassing for both of them happened.

“What’s that big bird’s head like?”

Big bird. Cloud couldn’t help but imagine Sephiroth settling down in a nest, curling himself up with wings all around him. It made him chuckle.

“Troubled. I don’t know if he gets to experience the same thing I did when I got there but… he looked tired. Gaia, maybe even scared.”

“Didn’t he try to… ya know, murder you while you were in there?”

“Why everyone keeps me asking that… No, wait, I know why. I don’t even think he knew I was there to begin with. Uhm… thanks for worrying, though.”

A moment of awkward silence settled between them, during which Cid decided to just sit down as well. The younger blond man looked like he wanted to ask something but was still looking for the words to say it. It kind of reminded him of Vincent. He couldn’t help but hope that the man, Yuffie and that robot cat enthusiast were doing alright in Midgar at the moment, even if he knew the three of them could look after one another just fine.

“I… have a favor I want to ask.” And finally, there it was. “After we make sure how things really are in Midgar, as much as I’d like to stay there and help… I’d like to go to Cosmo Canyon.”

“Alright.”

Cloud looked at him a little puzzled.

“I thought you’d question that because well, it’s for Sephiroth.”

“I mean, yeah, it’s still messed up to see you trying to help him after all the shit he did but… Hel, if that guy hit rock bottom while working, he must have had some really fucked up co-workers to not notice he probably needed help. Also, if I don’t fly you there, you’ll find another way, right? I give a rat’s ass if having him around makes me paranoid. I’m taking you to the Canyon myself to make sure you get there safe.”

“Cid…”

A soft voice interrupted their conversation, with its four-legged owner making his way to them.

“Sorry, I just overheard you by accident and couldn’t help it. Are you going to Cosmo Canyon?”

“You want to go too, Nanaki?”

The orange beast shook his head. Even if he had a wish to go back home, he still wanted to fulfill Bugenhagen’s wishes of travelling the Planet and teaching the things he learned to others. Besides, with what happened in Midgar, a good thing before another journey could be helping those in need the best he could.

“I’ll be in Midgar with the others. But if you’re going there, I hope you can find the solution you’re looking for. And maybe if you can… say hi to everyone for me?”

“Thanks, Nanaki. I will.”

* * *

A little before they arrived in Midgar, he caught himself brushing a strand of hair out of Sephiroth’s face and feeling strange by doing so. Back in the day, a part of him would’ve been more than just happy being able to touch the other man’s long hair and maybe, if it wasn’t for the circumstances, he wouldn’t feel so conflicted over a simple act like he was at the moment. Though he didn’t know what exactly he’d feel and most likely, if the circumstances were truly different, he wouldn’t even have met Sephiroth. Or maybe he would, before the man could lose his mind and go on a killing spree. But then again, he couldn’t prevent either Zack or Aerith from sacrificing themselves either, so maybe…

Cloud really needed to stop thinking about things like that.

“I’ll get you to Cosmo Canyon.” The blond assured the taller man, even if Sephiroth was probably too lost into himself at the moment to hear him “Then we’ll get you out of there. And then…” He still wasn’t certain what would happen if he possibly got the man to wake up. For now, Cloud just wanted to hold on the hope for whatever that could happen not to be bad. Gaia forbid if he needed to beat Sephiroth again, even though he’d do so if he had no alternative. “Maybe, if you don’t come back wanting to shove Masamune through me we can find a way for you to get a normal life. We just have to figure out what you’d like to do. I’ll be all supportive of you if it doesn’t involve killing people.”

Cloud felt something strange, a feeling of warmth that started out as oddly comforting until it started to make him feel dizzy and as if he was being pulled into the source of it. It made him back away from Sephiroth, somewhat terrified.

“Ah… if you’re doing this, just… stop.”

Whatever that sensation was, it almost immediatly grew colder and as if it was also retreating. It felt wrong and brought some pain along, not dissipating that dizziness at all.

“I have… a bad history with mako poisoning… I’m not the right person for you to do this with… please, Sephiroth…”

But either the man wasn’t listening or couldn’t help it, as the feeling grew in intensity until it was too much; until Cloud couldn’t bear it anymore and felt himself fainting, being dragged into it again. Maybe the first time it had been easier to slip in due to the blond being asleep. Being dragged in while fully awake, on the other hand…

Gaia, that was an entire another trip to go through, wasn’t it?


	5. Sephiroth's Subconscious II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sephiroth shares a conversation with Cloud near the fire. (But not too near and not a pleasant kind of fire)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be (passive) suicide implications/mentions in there, so proceed with caution and an open mind.

All around him, everything was burning. Not in flames that could harm him but rather an illusion that mirrored a memory he’d rather forget than have to witness once more. It made his very core overwhelmed by discomfort as the blond made his way through the fire, past burning houses and the trail of destruction leading away from Nibelheim. But unlikely the real incident, there were streams of green flowing away from the flames and increasing in volume as the outskirts of the town drew near.

It was only then that Cloud could hear the sounds of both fighting and pain and see the Lifestream gathering around a certain someone who could barely stand against it at this point.

They came in green waves, hitting with enough strength to hurt; enough pressure to try to forcibly rip away bits of a soul in order for it to join the flow at once and feed the Planet with its energy.

In the middle of it all, Sephiroth tried his best not to be carried away. He used a large, lone black wing that seemed to come out from his back to shield himself a little and slap the streams away. It worked, but at the same time it looked like doing so just kept tiring him more and more. Besides it couldn’t cover all of him and stray threads of green energy would still find their way to him.

Cloud felt oddly cold everytime it happened, which was often enough to get him bothered to run towards the man to do something about it, even if he had no idea of what he could do to stop that.

It turned out that all he had to do was keeping the man close to him. Which wasn’t at all that difficult when the man had little to no energy to fight back at the moment or at least seemed more concerned about the green waves of the Lifestream than him. His wing even gave a last useless flap before he noticed the streams receding, leaving him along with Cloud holding him and keeping him close. Sephiroth let his wing fall by his side a little too exhausted, but didn’t dare admitting out loud how comforting it was, staying like this, with the blond having him rest his head against the shorter man’s shoulder and with arms around him with such… care and gentleness he wouldn’t usually expect from this man.

(No, not from this man who, despite never clearly stating out loud, had looked at him — or rather,  _Her_  parts molded into his semblance — like anyone would regard the murderer of their mother, the destroyer of their homeland and an enemy to one’s general existence; with a mixture of burning rage and cold distance. Not hate, never hate; for the blond’s thoughts of him seemed to be more complicated than that when he’d slipped into the shorter one’s mind. Maybe there shouldn’t even be a name for it, that feeling moving the other one forward towards the silver haired man’s demise. _Oh, the sweet release of demise_.)

“Why are you doing this?” Sephiroth decided to ask, after a while.

“Well, you looked like you were having a nasty gang fight with the Lifestream. So maybe a ‘been there, done that’ sort of feeling?”

It wasn’t a very satisfying answer, the one he got.

“No, I mean…  _this_. It’s not how it’s supposed to be.”

Cloud had a confused expression on his face.

“Meaning?”

“You get to the Crater. You defeat the very last bit of… Her. You fight whatever has remained of me. I drag you into a fight you  _can’t_  lose due to me being weakened. It completely banishes me into the Lifestream. You go back to your friends. Maybe Tifa throws herself at you, you being interested or not doesn’t matter. You get to live. I do not; I get remembered as a monster who committed those atrocities. Lion-thing and that one with the demons probably outlive every single one of you all. I die. I give a lot of people in the afterlife despair for what they did to me. The End.”

“What—… You wanted to…?” The blond didn’t know exactly how to ask that or rather how to feel about that concept.

“I wanted you to give me  _death,_  because I was tired of existing the way I was.” Sephiroth’s voice lowered to an angered, yet tired whisper “Instead you go against everything and grab me on your way out. You keep me like this. This isn’t… the way I wanted to go. I know I’ve done things but  _this_? It’s way worse than straight up dying. They” he pointed at the Lifestream away from them “are trying to tear me apart… bit by bit, very slowly…”

He looked at Cloud with the broken expression of one who had lost everything and sighed. “You talk of getting me out and supporting me in a civilian life that I know I can’t simply slip into. So why are you doing  _this_? Why are you trying to rescue me when I don’t deserve it?”

“Sephiroth…” He pondered for a moment if telling the man he was trying to save him because it simply felt right was enough reason to sound at least somewhat convincing “I don’t think I can put it all in a single reason. It’s… complicated.” The blond sighed “You truly did  _a lot_ of awful shit. But! I don’t think you were in a very good state of mind back then… or right now, if you consider… well, everything. But it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to get up and try again, alright? I really,  _really_  want to help the best I can, if you’re willing to let me, that is.”

The man in question left the comfort of the blond’s arms to sit beside him with a sigh. Lifestream started approaching again and he had to take Cloud’s hand to have it stay away. There was something odd about that, the way the shorter man worked almost like some sort of shield.

“I’ll still be a burden to you.”

“Hel, I don’t care. I’ve been there before and I still want to help. It’s fine, really.”

Sephiroth watched that illusionary Nibelheim burn in some sort of strange loop, remembering what followed that. Something in the reactor up in the mountains kept calling to him; a bad combination if taken into account what he heard, the things he read and his not thinking properly. He’d get rid of anyone on his path, after all he had been trained to reach goals no matter what. The thought of it made him uncomfortable, now.

“How was it? Living in that town before everything happened, I mean. The sincere opinion, not the sugar coated “Good, sir” an infantryman would say to his superior officer.”

“Shit. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. My mom was the best thing that town had to offer, though. Tifa… she didn’t want to be friends with me for the longest time. And I was in— H-hel, you used to be my idol.”

The silver haired man looked at him trying to process that information. It wasn’t strange that, back in the day, a lot of people joined Shinra because they were stupidly obsessed with the idea of working near him or with him. One of the few friends he had was very much the case. It was just ironic that one day, one of those fans would become an enemy, one fated to stop him in the tracks of that insanity of a plan he had when following on Jenova’s footsteps. It made him smile a little, that. And Cloud calling his hometown “shit”, too.

“I’m flattered.”

“It isn’t like that anymore because… well, it became complicated, didn’t it? But my mom, she lost hope on me at one point. ‘Too many Sephiroth posters and you can barely see the wall anymore’, things like that.”

“I apologize. I took that away from you that day.”

“It’s not something I can forgive you for.” The blond stated in a sad tone “But, it’d be at least comforting if you don’t do something like that to anyone ever again.”

“It wouldn’t be comfortable for me to do it again, anyway, not in the state of mind I’m now.”

“Good.”

Cloud leaned against him, letting that blond head of spiky hair fall on his shoulder. The gesture felt odd and if anything, he felt colder with it. Realization finally hit that the other man acting as some sort of shield, even if he was doing so unintentionally, was draining the blond’s energy. He didn’t like to wonder what would happen if he let the other be entirely drained.

“You can’t stay here.” Sephiroth let his hand go “You’ll be stuck here if you do or, I don’t know, worse—” He noticed the blond being sleepy and almost not reacting to what he was saying “Gaia. Out of my head, you go.”

Maybe Cloud was so out of it that he didn’t even feel himself being pushed away abruptly until he was awake again.


	6. A Very Brief Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party reunites in Midgar before a few of them take flight again

Waking up that time felt slightly like when he woke up after Tifa helped him to put himself together the second time he fell victim to mako poisoning. It also felt strange, given the conversation he just had with Sephiroth — who, the blond realized, was currently under him, which could be embarassing if there was someone else in the room watching. Cloud definitely didn’t want to be caught in that position. Not that the way he fell over the man was obscenely innapropriate, but there was certainly something about him in a small bed with Sephiroth, with his head on the other man’s chest, that spoke a lot as a sight.

(In regards to that, he wished he could shut up the little voice in his mind insisting on the fact that Sephiroth’s chest made a very good pillow. It wasn’t a thought he wanted when he had to stay down for a moment longer due to how stupidly dizzy he felt.)

He couldn’t remember how he was kicked out this time around. Or rather, for the moment at least, he wanted to focus on the fact that Sephiroth was still alive despite being stuck in that situation and on the fact that the man didn’t mean any harm— Well, maybe he did, to himself, especially considering the things he said while questioning Cloud about why he was being helped in any way. That bit was concerning. It worried the blond that at any given time, the man could just give up and let himself be torn apart by the Lifestream. After all, it sounded like either Sephiroth just didn’t want to do it himself or wouldn’t go without a fight or… he wanted the blond to be the one to do it.

Whatever it was, the thought of it was uncomfortable.

He vaguely remembered telling Zack back in Nibelheim that there was something wrong with that man. It made him wonder now for just how long there had been something wrong with Sephiroth; for how long the man held a cool stance and kept his problems to himself. It had to be way longer before that dreaded mission. He remembered him behaving oddly right as they arrived at that town, meaning it couldn’t have been just due to what happened in the reactor that had him run away to that damned mansion for a week.

Then there was the whole business with Jenova and Meteor that followed. And Cloud wondered the effect all of that could have on someone, especially after being left to the realization of everything that happened.

He didn’t notice he was somewhat clinging to the sound of the other man’s heartbeat and silently crying until Yuffie walked in. But oh well, he wasn’t in the state of mind to be embarassed of being there, resting his head against Sephiroth’s chest and being upset with how many things could’ve been avoided if someone had noticed something was wrong with the taller man and did something to help. And not only during what happened in Nibelheim, during which he was probably a way too scared infantryman to go confront the General. Oh, great. Another thing he could feel guilty for.

“I heard from Cid you rescued him but I didn’t think you two were…”

“I- W-we’re not!” He quickly defended himself and turned his head to hid his face. Even not being in the state of mind to feel embarassed about being there like that, that little accusation still had some impact.

“Heh, yeah, alright… You okay?”

“I… don’t know.” Maybe because he was in a bed, basically lying down on Sephiroth after the conversation they had, with Yuffie just standing in the room asking him if he was okay. And some part of him still thought the other man’s chest made a good pillow and that he wouldn’t mind falling asleep exactly where he was. It was surreal. Cloud made a move to at least sit properly on the bed that didn’t go all that well considering how dizzy he still felt.

“Gaia, you look awful. What happened?”

“I… got dragged into Sephiroth’s mind” he rubbed his eyes “It’s kind of a messed up roller coaster there right now.”

“And you’re crying”, she added, sitting beside him.

The blond closed his eyes still trying to recover from the dizziness and trying find the words to say it. It felt harder the more he thought about it. Part of it felt oddly relatable; the mako coma, the trouble dealing with himself holding him in, feeling like a burden and probably realizing things that happened with the horror that they happened. (After all, Sephiroth had referred to himself as a monster who committed atrocities. It kind of had him remind himself of not being able to do anything to save Aerith and Zack, which he still couldn’t forgive himself about.)

“Sephiroth… he’s no longer the man we were after all this time. Or the monster who killed Aerith and took my hometown from me… at least not the Sephiroth that’s there right now. He basically scolded me for not killing him and said he doesn’t deserve any help…” Cloud sighed “That he can’t start over and stuff like that.”

Yuffie stood up just to walk in front of him and pull him into a hug. “Now, slow down there. You crying like this won’t help him.”

“I know, I know. But… Gaia! It’s too much…”

“And it’s not the kind of ‘too much’ that gets fixed with materia…” She mused aloud, reminding herself about Wutai and her feelings after it was reduced to nothing but a resort town or sorts “But listen, after all you got through? I think you can help him get through too. Even if it’s the hardest thing you end up doing.”

And Hel, did he know that once an idea like the ones of the man made its home in the head, it was hard to walk away from it. But yet, yes, there was a point to be made that albeit being difficult, it was possible. And if it managed to set Sephiroth away from a dangerous path, then it’d be worth it.

“I’ve got to at least try. Even if it’s overwhelming to think about.”

“Yeah!” She might still not like Sephiroth for many reasons but seeing Cloud that way and listening what she did, Yuffie hoped he’d put the man in a better direction. But for now… there were other pressing issues at hand. “Also, Reeve asked me to get you. So whenever you’re ready, come outside, alright?”

* * *

Being in Midgar after the Meteor fell and and was stopped was a very strange experience. Especially when, outside, in the middle of that mess, there was a man with a robotic cat on his arms shouting orders to a group of people and being followed by a moogle doll. The evacuation had, obviously, already taken place, but it didn’t mean that there wasn’t still work left to do after such a crisis. At least, the core of that problem was gone by then.

It was also strange that this was actually his first time seeing Reeve in person. And the man didn’t look like the kind of person that would build spy robots for a living. In fact, he looked like an office worker; with well kept dark hair, in a dark blue business suit with a red tie. Cloud remembered the few conversations that man had with the others, in special one he had with Yuffie, Vincent and Cid a little before the group parted ways to find reasons to fight, in which he finally revealed his identity to them, albeit a little reluctantly. Looking at him, now, made the blond think a little about how different those four — and the rest of their group as well — were from each other.

He could pin down some similarities and parallels, though. That Vincent, Cid and Reeve were all involved with Shinra in some way at a point of their lives. Or that if it weren’t for certain events he wouldn’t have met either of Vincent or Yuffie. That the girl and Cid — also Barret — could be too loud sometimes or yet the way in which Vincent and the demons inside of him were many souls sharing a body while Reeve, with some help from the technology, could manifest himself through two bodies. (Or maybe more, considering how quickly he could send them a new Cait Sith once the old one got crushed into the Black Materia.)

“Oh boy, looks like the lad is finally awake!”, the cat noticed and Reeve made a sign for the blond to approach.

“Cloud. It’s nice to finally meet you, even if it’s not the best of the situations.” He offered a hand, which the blond took despite the oddness of Cait Sith moving in the man’s arms. Maybe it only threw Cloud slightly off because it made the duo look like a puppet with its master, which brought memories of a time either Sephiroth or Jenova — or a combination of both at the same time — called him a puppet and used him as such.

“I can say the same.” He sighed.

Reeve let his cat down, quickly giving him instructions to check on the orphans and offer them some distraction and peace of mind for the time being.

“Follow me.”

* * *

“What are you going to do, now?”

It was the question dropped at Cloud after being informed that after Meteorfall — as it was being called — nobody knew of Rufus Shinra’s whereabouts, a considerable amount of people died, the town’s structure wasn’t safe enough to house, in the long run, the people who lived in the slums and those who used to live in the plate above and more concerning, Vincent had reported to him that he had detected signs of life while evacuating the upper part of the town, only to find Hojo’s body. Body which disappeared from his sight at the first distraction from it. They couldn’t yet determine if that meant that the scientist was alive or if his dead body was taken by someone else by whatever reason.

And of course, there was still the matter of Sephiroth being alive and in a terrible condition.

“I’m putting Tifa in charge of the group and leaving for Cosmo Canyon. As much as I want to stay, I’m afraid of what could happen if we don’t get Sephiroth any help soon.”

The blond didn’t know what was more terrifying about Sephiroth’s situation: if it was the possibility of the man somehow waking up the way he was before, ready to summon another Meteor or something to carry on with the plan he had before or if it was the chance of the man giving up entirely before even being able to wake up. Or even, waking up and going in a killing spree just to get Cloud to kill him. 

He wanted to take no risks, especially considering the tragedy that struck Midgar already, and Reeve understood that.

“Then I won’t hold you here. But I’m sending a Cait Sith to go with you in case you need it.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

Cloud reunited the group for a moment to communicate whoever didn’t knew it yet of his decision and to say his goodbyes. It wasn’t something to last forever, of course, and he’d return as soon as he knew Sephiroth was safe and in no risk of doing something dangerous or as soon as he knew a way to help the man properly.

But it still made some people emotional, especially Tifa, who noted how parting ways like this reminded her a little of Aerith. She then told him to come back in one piece and to call if he needed anything, even if it was just a friend to offer some comfort.

It was kind of funny that the brunette mentioned Aerith, he thought, as upon returning to Sephiroth he could swear that, for at least a couple seconds, she’d been standing by the man’s side.


	7. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Let them grow in the saddest parts of you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also known as: that one chapter in which I engage in very self indulgent writing. Hm.

The streams around him, that insisted yet failed at their task suddenly receded with a presence entering his subconscious; smaller yet way stronger than Cloud’s had been last time. He always supposed that the Ancients, who could listen to the Planet and commune with it, were more powerful than regular humans in that regard, but to feel such an energy that close… shielding him from harm was almost breathtaking.

Sephiroth allowed himself to fall again on an awkward sitting position.

“You dare to approach me in this place… After everything I have done to you, the Planet and your friends.” He paused, but didn’t need to look behind him to know who that was. The trail of petals floating past him before combusting in the air told him already too much. “Are you not afraid of me?”

This elicited a deep sigh from her, exhaling just a little frustration along with it.

“After all this time, do you think I have ever been?”

She had a point, Sephiroth thought. She had been smiling even in death, as if knowing that the crisis with Meteor would be averted. All that strength hidden away behind a woman in pink with an innocent looking face and a love for equally innocent looking flowers. He refused to answer her question, anyway.

“What are you doing here?”

 _Oh, too many questions following one another_. “A favor for a friend, that’s all. Just checking on a sick bird in a silver birdcage.” Aerith sat behind him. “So, how do you feel?”

“Completely awful. Leave.” He simply answered. However, she wasn’t very keen on obeying that wish just yet.

“Not until Cloud comes back. He can’t keep doing this right now, shielding you all the time. And you fighting to shield yourself is only hurting yourself more. You need to heal.”

Aerith busied herself with braiding flowers into his hair, the place around them becoming a flower field in an alarmingly quick fashion. He simply let her do so.

“I’d rather be dead.” Sephiroth thought aloud.

That would avoid a lot of complications. For one, Cloud wouldn’t have to go on about trying to find a way to wake him up; wouldn’t have to offer him that much gentleness. On another hand he wouldn’t have to get through an entire process of getting used to and accepted by the world again. He’d simply pay for the things he had done with his eternal rest.

“Hm, no. Sorry, but the Lifestream can’t accept you.” She put another flower in his hair and continued her task patiently “That’s why I allowed Cloud to have you.”

That much was enough for him to turn as fast as he could and pin the brunette down, with her back to the ground smashing some flowers and her wrists being held above her head. A curtain of silver fell on his sides, escaping from a half done braid and letting small flowers fall. Aerith didn’t look a tiny bit intimidated by this sudden reaction, just smiling up at him instead.

“You did what!?” Sephiroth was, of course, every bit not amused by that situation.

“Oh?” She tilted her head to a side “I didn’t do anything, really. Well, other than making the way out accept your exit. Cloud was the one who decided to take you out of there, not me. And you let him. Blame him, yourself or the Goddess who won’t accept you in the Promised Land. I just took care of it the best I could, considering Minerva won’t have you.”

“You still did something!” He slapped her face in his anger “Which is causing more stress to those outside who cared about you!” Another slap “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?!”

That she did nothing but laugh beneath him enraged him a little more. “Oh, look at yourself. You caused a lot of stress to people who cared about you, too!” She laughed again but this time the sound came from behind him.

Sephiroth turned to see her standing just there, hair down and free from its usual braid. He turned back to look at where she was being held down, to find nothing but dying, smashed flowers and her signature pink ribbon.

“You think you can hold down Death.” She giggled. “That’s kinda cute.”

“I’d rather _embrace_ it.” He retorted.

“Oh no, you can’t hug me. Not you. I deny you and will escape if you try that.”

Considering every single story he heard about that, he never expected Death to come dressed in pink, so cheerful and full of life even as a spirit.

“So what does this make me? An immortal man trapped in my own mind?” The prospect of it was really worrisome.

“You could very well be describing Vincent or Cloud with that.” Aerith circled him, humming in thought “Maybe even your real mother, in a way or another, if you replace or take off the word ‘man’.”

Again, he didn’t dare to provide an answer to that, staying in silence and considering those words and the implication in them. Maybe if he waited long enough, she’d leave.

“Maybe what I want to say is… open yourself a little more and let him in. Then, when you have forgiven yourself and moved on…” She picked a flower off the ground and offered him “…You’ll be able to wake up.” Aerith ran a hand through his hair “Let him plant a little something in the saddest parts of you.”

 _Are you sure you’re Death?_ He wanted to ask, but refrained from doing so upon feeling a presence close by. A familiar one, at that, even if the pressure of the Lifestream lying out there and Aerith’s bubble of safety made it a little harder to tell.

“Cloud’s back.” He noted.

“Mhmm, I felt him, too. That means I’ll leave you now. I hope you’re up for a fight again, General… against your own demons.” She bowed a little, offering a familiar katana she apparently produced out of nowhere.

“That’s a title I haven’t used for a long time.” He remembered as he picked up Masamune by its hilt and walked past her and outside of that safe zone, the feathers of his single wing brushing just a little against her arm. “But yes, into battle, again.”

* * *

Cloud brushed the man’s bangs aside and occupied himself with cleaning a little sweat forming on his temple with a damp cloth. It was tainted with a slightly diluted mako green, which the blond took as a good sign. It made the cloth he was using unusable, but at the very least, the excessive mako was coming out somehow. Even if it was also causing a fever with it.

“I wonder… what Aerith said to you. Because I don’t think she’d just, uh… watch you ‘sleep’.”

He felt a little wave of warm energy as an answer to what he said. It wasn’t pulling him in like the times Sephiroth pulled him into his mind in a way or another and he couldn’t understand it. It was… different, and it had him a little dizzy for a split moment.

“Oh… That’s new.”

* * *

The blond decided to experiment a little with that new discovery after he had some food and rested a little more. Unable to understand, but finding that to be safer than getting into the man’s mind, he’d come up with a little system.

“Alright, so… one time for ‘yes’, two times for ‘no’. Okay?”

A single wave, a little weak, was what Cloud felt.

“So, are you alright in there right now?”

One. Then a brief pause before two. Another short pause and Sephiroth was sending him those tiny waves one after another. It was intoxicating in the worst sense of the word.

“Ah… Gaia! Stop! …Stop!” He pleaded, having his request accepted “You _don’t know_ if you’re okay?”

 _Yes_ , was the answer he got, in the form of just one wave. And for some reason he felt that he’d be in Sephiroth’s subconscious again, very soon.


	8. Stray Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud comes across something small

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's an update schedule, anyway?
> 
> Don't ask me, I just don't know.
> 
> The usual warnings apply.

Of all things Cloud expected upon returning to Sephiroth’s mind, he didn’t expect that kid with scared, big cat-like eyes; the green of them way too familiar along the silver hair for that child to be someone else other than Sephiroth himself. It made him wonder if getting the man out of that situation would be similar to how he made it out of his latest mako poisoning and they’d have to wander through memories and address issues.

In any case, the boy immediately dashed to him, clinging to his leg. It was easy to understand why when the blond saw some lifestream retreating. Cloud picked him up.

“Oh no… you’re so small and sad. Like a wet kitten.” He smiled at the kid “Tell me what happened?”

The place around them shifted into what looked like one of Shinra’s laboratories. Sephiroth sobbed, hiding his face against the blond’s neck. Cloud was about to soothe him when he heard someone do exactly that.

“Shh, it’ll be alright, Sephiroth. This medicine will only help you.” It sounded like someone the blond had heard before, as confirmed by following the sound of that voice. The man featured in those videos he found of Aerith’s biological family, her father, Professor Gast Faremis.

Cloud tried not to think much about the irony of that man soothing the child that would become his daughter’s murderer one day. He tried not to think about how he was right about the fact that they would have to wander through memories.

“B-but it hurts, Professor! It makes me feel bad!” The boy protested.

“I know, I know. But if you keep having those, one day you’ll be able to go outside.”

“Outside?”

Gaia, that kid seemed to be so hopeful over that — especially as Gast nodded — it was practically cute if one could ignore that entire situation; the way Hojo was complaining that they were “losing precious time” and that they had to “do this already, as there are other experiments to deal with”, the fact Sephiroth was about to receive a mako injection, it seemed, and the fact the boy was apparently aware taking those injections was a bad idea in some way or another.

Cloud moved onwards, noticing that the scene was starting to fade into nothingness. The next one, however, made it harder to ignore what kind of situation that boy was in.

Gast wasn’t there. In fact, Hojo was alone with the little Sephiroth.

It was difficult not to think about the reason behind that. The blond had seen those videos, after all; had known Aerith and met the adoptive mother who raised her. They had all returned to the Planet. One could only wonder whether they met once again there or not.

And with Gast gone, the other scientist couldn’t be held back regarding his ways. He cared for the research only, the subjects’ feelings be damned. He didn’t refrain from punishing the boy for any behavior he didn’t approve of; sometimes with experiments, sometimes hitting him, maybe only some very harsh words and maybe both at other times. Nothing of that could force Sephiroth into submission, however. If anything, the boy apparently only kept challenging the man and testing his patience.

Cloud wanted to smile.  _Sephiroth was a little shit as a kid_. (Sometimes the one in his arms would chance a look at such scenes and smile at his own silly antics, too, as if proud of those.) And yet, it was hard to smile having to see that boy forcing fear away or hiding any possible emotion that could result in a worst punishment or something; seeing the side and after effects of such treatment. He caught himself offering soothing words to the version of Sephiroth he was carrying in his arms.

“It’s okay, Hojo is gone now.”

“…Is he, really?” The little Sephiroth asked very quietly, so unsure of it.

It was very hard not to recall what Reeve reported to him, but the blond made an effort. Hojo was dead, he had seem the man turned into abomination fall and had been part of it.  _Hojo was dead, right?_  And so was Jenova. There was nothing to fear.

“Yes, he is. I’ve made sure of it.” He ran fingers through short silver strands “He won’t hurt you again.”

“But the ones I held dear have all left now.” A deep voice came behind them. Cloud turned to see Sephiroth, the adult, waiting for them at the entrance of other of those memories, one that seemed to take place in a clearing. He approached and as he stood by the taller man, he could see three people having a friendly spar, one of which was Sephiroth himself. “They all leave.”

The blond followed Sephiroth through memories of those two other people — a red head and a raven haired man — leaving, flying away after everything with wings of their own; of Zack trying to help but fighting him in the end, (easy to understand after what Sephiroth did) after Jenova’s words had convinced the silver haired man.

“I’m sorry to hear about it. That sounds sad… and lonely.”

“Even Jenova left in the end.” Cloud caught a hint of a smile on those lips.

“Would you prefer it if she stayed?”

The older Sephiroth shook his head.

“She was as terrible a mother as Hojo was a caregiver. I think… I only followed because I was desperate and what she was offering… it seemed it’d fill an empty space within me.” He sighed, then opened his arms as if asking the blond to pass the child over.

It was rather strange, to see Sephiroth hold himself, Cloud thought.

“I thought you to be gone forever after the Lifestream took you away, little one.” He ran a hand through short silver hair gently “I’m glad you didn’t leave me as well.”

Moments after, the boy faded into green streams and rejoined Sephiroth, who took a seat on a nearby stump in the clearing they had stopped on to watch the memory there absentmindedly. A young man with auburn hair infused his sword with magic before going against his dark haired peer and Sephiroth.

They seemed to be having fun with their sparring session.

“Do you remember them, I wonder?” The taller man ended up asking “You were a cadet around the time they left, if I’m not mistaken.”

“I remember… Zack talking about someone named Angeal. Is that one of them?” Cloud put a hand on the man’s shoulder while watching as well.

“Yes. And the redhead, Genesis. We were friends for quite a while.”

The blond wondered whether or not those friends knew of the things that happened between Hojo and Sephiroth, if they tried to do something about that. Maybe he wondered it aloud, because the man had an answer to give him on it.

“Angeal couldn’t stand injustice of any kind and Genesis… had an inner fire one couldn’t control if he made an enemy. I was… afraid of the consequences if they were to intervene on it.”

“You should have told them, though. Then get out of Shinra and tell the company where they should stick a Masamune. Fuck that place.”

“Masamune is too thick for that, though.” Sephiroth chuckled, trying not to consider the thought of all of that too much. After all, it was his decision not to follow either of them after they left Shinra, fearing what would come out of that and not approving of the other two men’s actions.

And well, he  _really_  didn’t want to imagine Masamune being used… for  _that_.

“ _Exactly_. That’s the point!”

Sephiroth almost fell off the stump he was sitting on. Cloud had a really good point, though. Now, if only he had realized sooner that there was more outside Shinra, that maybe going after those two could’ve been a chance to prevent them from doing things they’d possibly regret.

He was once again sad as soon as he realized that, either way, he wouldn’t be seeing those two ever again. Not if he considered what he had been told. Genesis hadn’t exactly been the nicest of the people the last time they met but still… if the other man was also dead like he thought he was… Ah.

Cloud was quick to notice something was off.

“Sephiroth?”

“I was told the Lifestream can’t accept me,” he started, pausing to process it better, “The people I’ve lost… I lost them forever. I can’t be reunited with them in death…” The taller man turned to look up at the blond, looking entirely lost. “The Lifestream isn’t trying to take me into the flow. It is… It’s trying to destroy me.”

Cloud looked at him like he had suddenly dropped several million gil on the floor right there and then.

“Shit. We have to get you out of here before that happens, then. Especially as it already tried to steal a part of you away.”

The blond sounded tired. It was unfair, that. Sephiroth had just realized something terrible and his only possible support was about to take his leave very soon.

What would happen in the blond’s absence from his mind next? What if he lost yet another bit of himself and forgot things? What if he simply couldn’t find a way to wake up, getting stuck in that situation for as long as he could endure it? What if—

Cloud moved closer to hug him. It was starting to feel a little cold, being around the other man like that.

“It’ll be okay, Sephiroth.”

 _Will it be, really?_  He wondered as he pushed the blond away from him and out of his mind.


	9. Restless Night In The Valley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No update schedule, only struggle.

As Cloud came to his senses, a gloved hand touched his arm.

“You alright, lad?” A familiar voice asked. The smaller figure didn’t quite match the robot cat the blond was used to, however; the cream fur with brown extremities reminding Cloud of some of the strays that crossed his path back in Wutai. It had a silver crown and a green cape, and apparently used a toy tonberry as means of transportation, if the one seen in a corner not far from them was any indication. It made him wonder if Reeve had become a little experimental with the robot’s design at some point.

“I… will be, thank you,” Cloud offered, while gathering himself together and sitting again on the bed. He’d fallen over Sephiroth again, it seemed, without even noticing he was being taken away. “Did we… arrive?”

“No, not yet. I just came to check on you lads,” Cait Sith answered, coming to sit beside him, “How is he?”

“Suffering.” The blond sighed and refused to go into further detail, moved by that whole ordeal as it was. Having to go through complicated memories and knowing that the Lifestream itself was trying to negate one’s chance at afterlife sounded rough enough even as a second hand experience.

(And well, there was the fact that the man had thoughts about death before. Cloud couldn’t help but wonder what Sephiroth’s thoughts about that matter were now that he knew he’d simply cease existing if he were to head down that path. He strongly hoped that the man had had a change of mind since then.)

The robot let out a little “Oh”, understanding that Cloud wouldn’t let out more than that, but offered anyway “If you need someone to talk to, you can count on me, okay? I’m a good listener!”

Cloud realized Reeve had sent him somebody he could vent to — somebody who wasn’t busy on the control of the airship, that is. But the fact remained that the blond was still not that good at letting things out; even if he did so when despair would become too much that someone would see right through it.

He wasn’t aware a Cait Sith could look that serious about something.

“I…” he hesitated, taking his time to collect his thoughts on what he was feeling, “I think I’m afraid to fail him too. Like Aerith… and Zack.” And others who he barely knew but also couldn’t save.

Two little waves of energy reached him, a little timidly. Cloud looked at the mako poisoned man somewhat puzzled by the reaction.

“Oh, I don’t think you failed them.” A single energy wave came through, as if the unconscious man was following the conversation and agreeing with the cat. “You’re not goin’ to fail this one either. I believe in you.” Those words, Cloud thought, sounded so cheerful it was hard not to smile even if a little. “I might not be the Cait Sith who travelled with you before, but I think… if anyone can get this lad on the right path, that would be you.”

“I… thank you.” He let out, a little quiet.

* * *

A couple hours later, Cloud found himself at the entrance of Cosmo Canyon with a still unconscious Sephiroth in his arms and a certain robot cat following his every step. He had sent Cid on his way back to Midgar, just minutes before. After all that happened, that city could use a pilot’s help and besides, Cloud was more than capable of handling the situation in the company of nobody but Cait Sith… or so he hoped.

He had to explain their situation very thoroughly to the elders and, considering they knew of the threat Sephiroth posed before all of this, convincing them to help took a little longer than the blond hoped.

Once they were well accommodated, with Sephiroth tucked up in bed safely and with the little robot “sleeping” in the corner as he charged, Cloud started to think about the people who looked after him during the times he’d been mako poisoned, even if his memories of those times were still hazy; mostly in brief flashes.

He wondered, as he simply dropped on the rocking chair near Sephiroth’s bed, if they felt like him now; head spinning with tiredness and eyes that threatened to fall closed every now and then, body longing for a rest but the mind too concerned to allow it.

Cloud wondered… if in times like those, their patient would start shivering and sweating mako as well; asked himself if they’d smile at him at the little hints of recovery like he was probably doing at the taller man upon noticing those.

( _These sheets are now unusable, anyway_.)

The blond started working then, to keep the excess mako from being absorbed again “That’s good,” he said, surprising himself at how really tired he sounded, “keep on fighting, Sephiroth.” He made sure all of that long hair was out of the way and wouldn’t soak up anything.

The mako in his blood burned with the effort it took to stay awake, but Cloud fought against his exhaustion until Sephiroth was no longer trembling and the sweating had passed. The man was still unconscious and they had some soaked sheets to be disposed of after fresh ones took their place, but at least it was some sort of progress, even if small. A little step at a time until being able to walk by himself again; that was what the man needed.

“…Feeling alright in there?”

Sephiroth replied the only way he could that yes, he was, followed by something else Cloud couldn’t exactly catch the meaning of, but that seemed a little like concern.

“It’s okay, I’m going to sleep—“ he caught himself saying without thinking, regardless of understanding or not, before being cut by a long yawn “…soon.”

With that, he got what felt like a relieved reply and a little mental nod of understanding that left him not knowing how to feel about the fact that even in such a state, Sephiroth was concerned about his need to rest. (Or so Cloud hoped that was the case, rather than the other man feeling unworthy of the help or something similar.)

In any case, Cloud made himself as comfortable as he could on the chair by the bed, making sure he wouldn’t fall from it in the middle of his sleep or even, onto the bed and over Sephiroth. Outside, just as the blond gave in to the exhaustion he felt, the first rays of morning light blessed the canyon with its warmth, eventually making their gentle way between the curtains of the room they were in.

If during his sleep he ended up reaching out to hold Sephiroth’s hand, he didn’t think much of it afterwards.


	10. Ad Astra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud briefly falls into a new routine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ad astra" is an expression from Latin, meaning "to the stars", although there aren't many star shenanigans happening here.
> 
> Edit: I just remembered Cosmo Canyon's also known as the "Valley of the Fallen Star". So, in a way, there are some star shenanigans going on here.

Their life in Cosmo Canyon quickly fell into a routine.

Cloud would wake up with the sunlight invading their room, usually having fallen asleep on the rocking chair near Sephiroth’s bed, — again — and would get into motion as soon as he was aware.

If he was lucky, there wouldn’t be too much mako tainted sweat sticking to Sephiroth that prolongued any cleaning efforts further and that was definitely not a good thing to be covered with for long periods of time if one was mako poisoned. If the blond was _luckier_ , Cait Sith wouldn’t have left by that time to check out the breakfast options and was willing to help with that task.

Then, as that was taken care of, Cloud would go out for breakfast and trust the small, robotic feline assistant to take over the duty of watching over the unconscious man.

Physically speaking, Sephiroth seemed to be improving with every single day that passed. He still didn’t move much without help because of his condition keeping him from acting out of his free will, but his body was throwing out excess mako as fast as it could manage to and his skin looked somewhat more vivid in color.

Otherwise, he wasn’t giving any signs of awakening.

Worse yet, he had stopped _inviting_ Cloud in. Every day brought the question of whether or not the blond was looking after someone who wouldn’t wake up anymore. It also brought the shorter man to attempting to get in, himself, using the teachings he was acquiring in his time at the Canyon, only to fail repeatedly and end up falling asleep near Sephiroth’s bed out of sheer tiredness.

The elders were trying to push knowledge and skills of Gaia knows how many years of development onto him as quickly as it was possible, so he could do something about Sephiroth’s condition himself, because none of them could, they told him.

(Cloud wondered if that was really the reason or if it was that none of them _wanted_ to do so; afraid that all it took for madness to take over was to enter in the mind space of the _son_ _of the Calamity_ and using the connection he already had with Sephiroth as an excuse to have him do it instead, despite his weaker mind.)

Whenever his afternoons didn’t consist of him exhausting himself further after training by attempting contact with Sephiroth, Cloud would spend them helping people out in exchange of their hospitality. It was the least he could do for them given he was granted help even though the elders knew about how dangerous his... _patient_ had been.

During one of the rare occasions when there wasn’t anything for him to busy himself with, the blond ended up finding his way to Bugenhagen’s place; to the books and endless notes about all sorts of topics. Stories of the Ancients, restored by unknown means and well preserved, recipes for homemade potions and other concoctions, forbidden knowledge; never meant to be seen...

And of course, many notes about the Lifestream.

So many that he borrowed some of them, hoping there was at least something in there that could improve their situation a little faster than it had been moving.

In the end, Cloud got so distracted over his reading that he didn’t even notice the strand of silver hair he picked up at some point to idly play with, only realizing it when he brought his own hand close to his face and felt something very soft near his lips.

He tried not to think much about how focused (or detached) he had to be not to notice such a thing, while also staring at Sephiroth and getting distracted again.

( _His face looks so soft...)_

Maybe Cloud was just really tired and it had been a terrible idea to read Bugenhagen’s notes without a good rest first. That was most likely it and he had to lie down before he either fell asleep on the rocking chair (yet again) or something embarrassing happened (again). For example, he could reach out to touch Sephiroth’s cheek just gently, getting even more distracted by the way it felt and then realize it suddenly, only to feel awkward about it. Which... he ended up doing, anyway.

“Sephiroth... Are you really alright there by yourself?” He asked, earning no reply at all, “Not that I want to be in there all the time and I can’t really force you out, but you’re worrying me, you know?”

Cloud put the notes aside and moved to sit on the bed instead, lowering his head just so his forehead touched Sephiroth’s. He closed his eyes to avoid thinking about anything possibly distractive that could interrupt his focus again.

_It can’t hurt to try again, right?_

“Breathe,” whispered the blond, both as a reminder to himself and as a command, trying to sound as calm as he could while he tried to find the mental connection and hopefully, his way in. Cloud had been told not to impose himself on the other man while doing this, but to seek permission instead, to avoid causing further harm.

He’d wondered how much harm being used as a some sort of puppet had caused him that he didn’t really notice during his everyday life.

“You’ve called me in before, so please... do it again, let me in.”

Cloud felt his mind slipping away.

 _We, as humanity_ , one of Bugenhagen’s notes read, _need to stop fearing the darkness so much if we want to understand the stars_.

* * *

Cloud opened his eyes to... the sight of flowers.

They surrounded him, long, green stems leading into soft white and yellow above; some of their petals floating gently down to land on top of him.

He almost expected a little someone to call him, demanding his attention, (“ _Hello?”_ ) or to judge him for doing definitely more than simply stepping on the flowers, even if the blond knew that wouldn’t happen; there wasn’t anyone there to pull him up but himself, as he wasn’t willing to be a burden to Sephiroth given the man’s current state.

 _Sephiroth_.

Cloud gasped just as a petal was coming down, resulting in him choking on the thing. He sat upright, coughing and trying to pull the petal out in sheer desperation. When it was finally out, he could swear that for a few seconds he’d seen it covered in blood.

Standing up and surveying his surroundings, Cloud noticed it was more than just a flower patch. It seemed like an entire field of them that expanded itself in such a way it seemed to have no end or beginning. He walked, refusing to stay still — and possibly drown in the blossoms around him or suffocate with the floating petals.

That was when he caught sight of a pink ribbon.


	11. A Stone In The Middle Of The Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something happens to disrupt everything.

Cloud didn’t know how much time passed while he stared, instinct telling him that if he dared to move, something terrible would happen again; blood soaking a pink dress rapidly, covering his own hands and leaving him drenched as well and Gaia, no pulse, _there’s no pulse neither breathing and oh gods, oh gods, oh gods_ —

_She’s gone, she’s gone, it’s his fault, oh no, no, no, no, no—_

_What’s he supposed to do now?!_

But, eventually, Cloud shook his fear away and walked, even as the petals floating gently seemed keen on trying to suffocate him, even as his feet felt as heavy as his sword. The time it took him to get to her passed in an instant while it also appeared to be an eternity.

Sephiroth had his head on her thigh, soundly asleep while flowers were placed in his hair.

“Cloud,” Aerith said, pulling his attention out of that rather surreal setting, “You finally made it through... I’m so relieved.”

It wasn’t hard to miss the way she was avoiding to look at him, her glance down at Sephiroth instead and the flowers she’d been threading into his hair, white on silver, pale colors that almost seem to glow in a way that’s practically blinding. He got distracted as his eyes ended up focusing on her hands and the absent-minded precision with which she’d been working.

Aerith patted the ground behind herself, motioning for him to sit down. At his hesitation and confusion, she explained, “We can’t have you looking into my eyes by accident. Not when you’re yet trying to heal. You’d just see me the way you saw me last and I don’t think that would... end well.”

_Last time I was a dead body in your arms and you watched me sink, sink and sink with a broken expression on your face, so it’s better you don’t see that again._

Once Cloud sat down, his back against Aerith’s, a single question took over him.

“What happened?”

“Hojo.”

Cloud froze, shifting uncomfortably. _Hojo_ , he wondered. _A memory of him or the monster himself?_ He took comfort in neither of those thoughts, his memories of Hojo filled with the sort of despair no one else could provide — not even Sephiroth — and hatred for everything he and others suffered because of Hojo.

Something soft was pressed against his hand and he took it, only to realize it was a long strand of hair, the color of moonlight. Sephiroth sighed in his sleep.

“He didn’t say much about it,” she said, “only that Hojo’s been here.”

“But how...?” Cloud breathed, a little too shocked about it all to think properly.

“The Lifestream. Sephiroth’s too close to it right now, so it might be easier to find a way in... for whatever reason.”

“Maybe he just wanted to be an asshole.”

Aerith chuckled.

“Maybe. Anyway, I really shouldn’t stay here this long, so... Don’t let him get in trouble and well, _beware_ of the flowers.”

When Cloud opened his mouth next to reply to that, he felt nothing pressing against his back. He turned and once again, she was gone to somewhere he wasn’t meant to follow... at least for the time being, he thought.

Sephiroth sat up and shook his head, letting flowers fall around himself and on a field that was slowly vanishing around them. He coughed, then, so hard that Cloud put a hand on his shoulder in clear concern. An entire white blossom came out and was discarded on the ground to fade away with the others.

In the background, as the flowers gradually left, there was a semblance of a memory, taking place in what looked a lot like Shinra’s Science department. It morphed into something else, a clearing that faded into simple darkness a little close to the middle of it. In the void, there were two men — Genesis and Angeal, Cloud recalled — sitting near one another and facing away from both him and Sephiroth, their contrasting wings curled in a resting position behind them.

He watched as Sephiroth moved to rest his back against a stump, letting out a tired sigh.

“After this, I think I don’t want to see any flowers for a long while,” Sephiroth said.

Cloud looked at him with concern all over his face.

“Are you alright?”

There was hesitation before Sephiroth shook his head in denial. Cloud sighed and sat on the stump, close enough that Sephiroth leaned his head against his leg.

“Hojo’s planning to travel through the cosmos,” Sephiroth muttered.

“We know how that story goes, Seph. It’ll be alright.”

Cloud earned a glare that he didn’t know whether it meant Sephiroth was actually offended at him downplaying a possible danger or... _Gaia._ He realized he had called Sephiroth by a nickname. Maybe he didn’t like those and was annoyed by it, maybe—

“His plan is a lot more solid than mine.” He sounded frustrated. “Well, mine and... _Jenova’s._ ”

He let the name out as though it was a forbidden incantation. He’d been looking at a memory of the Science department when Hojo appeared, after all. Maybe it was easier for one to get in if he was thinking about them. Perhaps, there was a vague chance there could be a piece of Jenova somewhere on the Planet that escaped everyone, even himself.

It was just not worth the risk.

“Explain,” Cloud said with a tired sigh.

And Sephiroth did. He told him about the laboratories hidden in the underground of the Shinra HQ, that he doubted Rufus even knew about with the way the transition of power was so quick of a thing after Shinra’s death, told him about the digital back up Hojo made of his own mind before dying and — albeit in more simple terms and going as far as his understanding of the situation let him as someone who wasn’t involved with Science — tried to explain how Hojo intended to summon Omega, the Planet’s final Weapon; which would then collect all of the Lifestream and leave.

“So he came here... just to brag about it? He doesn’t need you for it?” Cloud was confused, but not surprised by it.

“I think... he believes— No, he clearly stated, that I’m ‘a failure and won’t recover anyway’ and that it’s not likely someone will listen to me, so it should make no difference.”

Cloud snorted.

“Good thing I’m here, then.”

“Yes,” Sephiroth agreed, turning his head up to smile at him, half amusement, half concern all over his gentle expression, “I need you to do something for me.”


	12. A Favor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sephiroth comes up with a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I have a 'Suicidal Thoughts' warning in the tags but for this chapter I want to scream about it just to make sure nobody reads this one on a Bad Mind™ day if it's the kind of thing that'd make you feel worse in such a situation.
> 
> Alas, after this warning, onto the fic we go, I guess.

“No,” Cloud repeated for the third time after Sephiroth made his request.

“Cloud—“

“You can ask for anything, except _that._ I told you, didn’t I? I’m getting you out of here.” Cloud reached out to brush a silver strand out of his face. “I’ll get someone else to deal with it.”

“ _Cloud_.” Sephiroth tried, a little more firmly, his chin on Cloud’s thigh and their eyes making contact, even though he noticed Cloud clearly wanted to avert his own gaze away to avoid the matter entirely.

“It doesn’t have to be _me_!”

He fell silent, considering it. It didn’t, did it? But at the same time... Sephiroth was growing tired of looking at bits of himself and trying to work out some sort of internal peace that would allow him to get out of his own mind. He’d seen enough of himself being used by others that he feared leaving and getting used again upon recovery. Sephiroth didn’t like the fact that either way he’d have to use Cloud, — again — whether it was in a manner Cloud approved of or not.

It was either having Cloud stay and keep seeking out ways to get him out of that situation or letting him go, so he could help the others fight against what Hojo had prepared.

Sephiroth had a plan.

It involved, among other things, making it impossible for anyone to manipulate him for any possible purpose and keeping himself from being a burden for anyone who didn’t deserve it. (Which was probably most people on the Planet.) Also making sure Hojo’s plan would fail to even come alive. And it was such a _simple_ thing, that. All he had to do was stay exactly where he was and send Cloud away.

He had told Aerith about it — though not about everything — and she had tried her best to dissuade him from the idea, in her own, gentle way. Aerith had lived under the plate for most of her life and was a good negociator. So good that the argument they had actually tired him down, had him pretend she’d won and that he wouldn’t go through it.

_It’s just an idea, Aerith._

And then, he’d told Cloud about it, who didn’t like it either. Cloud, who was also argumenting against it just so he could stay to keep doing everything he could to help out someone who wasn’t even worth of a space in the afterlife.

“It doesn’t have to be _you_ , but you can help more being there than being here. During a war, it’s not worth it to get the fatally wounded up, you just—“

“Fuck the war!” Cloud barked at him. “I’m not fucking abandoning you here, ok?”

“We could be here for years. I’ll be more than just a burden.”

“I don’t care. I just want to help you so you can live without hurting like that!” Sephiroth opened his mouth to say something but Cloud raised a hand, gesturing for him to just be quiet. “Stop trying... trying to tell me you’re not worth it. Stop... trying to send me away.” He sobbed.

Sephiroth thought a crying Cloud felt worse than any of those flowers that came along with Aerith and that would end up in his mouth and throat for no clear or logical reason at all, that he’d been tempted to swallow instead of spitting out just to see what exactly would happen, if anything at all.

(He half hoped they were poisonous for his very soul.)

He moved on instinct, pulling Cloud down from the stump and onto his lap and Gaia, Cloud was giving him mixed feelings of growing colder by being there and of a great warmth; that could protect him from being torn to pieces by the Lifestream a while longer.

_Of home._

There wasn’t much wondering on his part as Sephiroth moved, face ending up too close to Cloud’s. Maybe it wasn’t the flowers but himself who was poisonous and once he touched him like this, Cloud would get stuck with him and fall apart as green streams, leaving him alone to curse himself on his countless sins. But he wasn’t really thinking about that, or about anything else, really, when his lips touched Cloud’s.

He wanted to say unsettling things. He wanted to tell Cloud that despite his impressive determination, it would better if he wasn’t helped at all, left to his own devices so wave after wave could lash at his spirit and break it apart; burn it down like he had done to Nibelheim.

He wanted to tell Cloud to wrap a hand around his throat and squeeze, squeeze and _fucking squeeze_ until he stopped existing.

He wanted to tell Cloud that kissing while they were there felt strange, like swallowing a bunch of Aerith’s flowers and not choking on them; like drowning in a desert, like drinking a glass of fire, like touching the Lifestream and not falling to pieces.

He wanted to tell Cloud Strife those things.

Instead, Sephiroth kissed him without knowing what exactly motivated him to do so, hard, almost bruising, only to end up annoyed because Cloud kissed back and didn’t stop doing so, his hands grasping Sephiroth’s shoulders so hard that it would probably leave bruises if they were outside and if it didn’t feel like a waterfall pouring down on him instead of what Sephiroth should be feeling.

(What a strange thing, the Lifestream and the way one’s mind behaved in proximity to it, almost as though it was all an odd dream.)

And once it was over, the questions on Cloud’s face be damned, Sephiroth pushed him away and out of his mind in one smooth movement Cloud hadn’t counted on.


	13. Empty Shells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cloud takes out his frustrations on crafting.

Cloud came back from that feeling as though he’d been punched in the gut and ran over a couple times while drunk. Sephiroth was a little too warm under him, but he didn’t feel like moving, even though he should due to the risks mako-tainted sweat offered.

Inside, he was yelling at himself to do something, _anything_. Try to get back in, because Sephiroth could do something stupid and Cloud hadn’t quite convinced him not to do it. He felt like he’d been kissed goodbye and signed some sort of will by kissing back, and the realization of it had Cloud feeling numb, then somewhat disturbed.

(Not quite alive, but not quite dead.)

Sephiroth had basically told him that he wanted to be buried “somewhere nice, far away from Midgar and everything” when it was all over and Cloud wanted to latch on his throat and _squeeze_ in his denial, just enough to shut him up but not enough to kill; just enough to leave a mark behind.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” he mumbled and didn’t quite know if it was meant only for Sephiroth.

He wondered if Aerith knew, if her leaving earlier wasn’t just because of the flowers or the overall problem of Sephiroth hanging around dead people (did Hojo even count as a _person_ , after everything?) that much in so little time, if she didn’t say anything because it was something meant for Sephiroth to say, himself.

Cloud tried to push in again, asking silently for permission as though he was mentally looking for a door to knock on, but finding nothing but a fortress before any gates and feeling frustrated at his failure; afraid of imposing himself on Sephiroth further and grinding the man’s mind to dust, even if the temptation to push in was just there.

He sat back so he could punch something, hitting the pillow on the right side of Sephiroth’s head, before he allowed himself to fall apart for a moment.

* * *

Cloud sat on the planetarium in Bugenhagen’s place with a bottle he got from the Starlet, drinking from it like a man in a desert who just got a hold of cactuar juice after having to deal with the creature’s sharp needles, but not getting drunk from it at all.

He was no SOLDIER, he never had been, but he had the metabolism of one.

If anything, it only made him feel worse that he was being irresponsible and drinking himself silly — but not _silly_ — due to his inability to do anything to help, aside from calling the others to let them know about Hojo, which he’d already done. He told Tifa that she could take a break from the leadership position if Vincent showed any interest in leading, given the nature of the situation, and if she wanted to.

( _“It’s Hojo,” she said, agreeing, “It might best if Vincent takes charge, yeah.”_ )

It was some sort of closure that they all could offer their friend. Not quite an opportunity of revenge, but flavored like it and probably far from the taste of alcohol; so bitter against his tongue and crawling its way down Cloud’s throat without offering any sort of relief.

For a moment too long, he considered sleeping in Bugenhagen’s place because knowing he was unable to get into Sephiroth’s mind to help him in any manner and knowing he probably wouldn’t be invited in anymore made it difficult to look at Sephiroth without feeling like someone had taken a hold of his heart and squeezed until there was absolutely nothing.

 _It doesn’t mean I’m abandoning him, he just won’t let me in, that’s it_ , he told himself as he turned the bottle again, drowning his sorrows in alcohol that wouldn’t solve anything and old magazines from Bugenhagen’s stash of things that promised to teach anyone the art of the homemade crafts.

He wondered if Bugenhagen made his own clothes, if there were tools to help with that somewhere in that place that he could use just to give himself a hobby for when he couldn’t help anybody.

Weird effects caused by being in someone else’s mind aside, part of him wanted to kiss Sephiroth breathless again, only for Cloud to end up feeling awful about the fact that he couldn’t do that.

* * *

He questioned the elders on what it would feel like if one attempted to interact with a victim of mako poisoning whose mind was completely gone for whatever reason. Hargo told him that, if the victim lived long enough in that state, it’d probably feel like an empty sea shell where life once was; a fortress with its doors wide open but with nothing else to see.

That Sephiroth was still a closed stronghold that denied his entry every time he tried to get in was both a cause for a relieved sigh and a frustrated groan.

* * *

Once again, Cloud found himself falling into a routine.

It was quite similar to the one he got used to before, but with several small additions: He kept in contact with the others more often just to check how things were going, (eventually learning of the true horrors of Deepground, Shinra’s secret laboratories, and the absurd amount of people living there that were still being found and removed from the place, involving a lot of children) checked on Sephiroth to make sure he was still _there_ , sat on the ground of Bugenhagen’s planetarium in his free time to give in to the little sounds of knitting, turning over pages of books, cutting fabrics, sewing and casual frustration when either he failed at his crafts or his mind went back to Sephiroth for no particular reason at all, and relaxed after dinner near the Cosmo Candle before heading back.

Cloud would then talk to Sephiroth until he'd fall asleep, the lack of a reply be damned. That was the time when Cait Sith stopped to charge, after all, so it felt like it was just the two of them; Cloud talking himself silly (more effective than the alcohol) and Sephiroth being the best listener in the world.

Like all of his routines, it eventually got interrupted by something.

It was a day, weeks after Sephiroth had thrown him out permanently, in which he had a decent length of a red scarf he’d been working on around his neck, mentally calculating how much more he’d need to work on it before it was deemed complete. It wasn’t perfect, far from it, but it was warm and comfortable, so he’d been content.

Cait Sith rushed into the planetarium, looking concerned, stealing Cloud of the little peace he’d settled in and replacing it with worry.

“Lad, he won’t stop coughing!” He said, “I tried everything!”

_What._

A million thoughts crossed his mind as he ran his way back to Sephiroth. That the man found a way to leave him without him knowing, that his body was reacting to it and killing him along with the Lifestream itself. That Cloud would arrive there to a dead body and be unable to do anything about it as it’d be too late, _too late_.

_Please don’t be gone, please don’t be gone, please don’t be gone—_

Nobody really prepared him for Sephiroth sitting on the bed, his coughing coming to a sudden stop upon placing his peculiar gaze on him, or the way his stomach turned with a single realization about the way Sephiroth was staring at him, full of reverence, like he was the most precious thing in the whole world.

There was something _very wrong_.


	14. Strings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud's put in a quite uncomfortable position.

Sephiroth tried to stand, to leave the bed so he could make his way towards him, but it was clear that there wasn't enough strength in his legs for him to do so; a result from the prolonged time he spent lying down and the weakened state he found himself in, mostly due to the mako poisoning. His eyes darted to his legs and back up until they met Cloud’s gaze again, full of that sickening reverence but also agony, a craving for proximity that he couldn't achieve on his own.

During all of it, not even once Sephiroth opened his mouth to say anything to him. There was no celebration or dread regarding his own awakening from the state he was in before. No awareness except for recognizing the fact Cloud was there; so full of focus but also so obviously pained that he couldn't get to Cloud, who still stood there, certain that all of that seemed very wrong.

Sephiroth reached out a trembling arm to him, dropping it down just a moment after, still unused to the effort of doing so.

Seeing that, Cloud willed his stubborn legs to move, far too lost in the way his stomach just sank and with so many thoughts coursing through his mind that he barely noticed his own motions bringing him towards the bed.

There was a gentle pause before Sephiroth dragged himself forward to hug him, a head of silver against his chest and shaking arms that kept sliding down his waist in the man’s weakness. Cloud hugged back a little awkwardly.

Once Sephiroth’s arms couldn't resist any longer, he let them fall again, his head tilting up and his eyes searching for Cloud’s. He looked relieved, in a way Cloud could describe as empty, devoid of any real emotions. Maybe some sort of instant gratification that would surely pass if Cloud just turned and left.

He stared and stayed very still, waiting for… something.

“Sephiroth?”

There was a sparkle of vague recognition in his eyes, but other than that, there was no response. Gaia, there wasn’t even any blinking, leaving Cloud unnerved but also concerned as he noticed the effort needed for such a feat.

“You… can blink, you know,” Cloud reminded him before he could give in to the temptation of turning and leaving; an odd wave of discomfort screaming at him to stay away from… whomever this was. That wasn’t the Sephiroth he’d been taking care of but wasn’t the one who held onto Jenova’s plans as though those were the best thing in the entire universe either.

(Cloud had seen a sick Nibel wolf before. He thought Sephiroth looked just like that.)

Sephiroth blinked, opening his eyes again slowly after that, as though he wanted to keep them closed out of tiredness but couldn’t do that. He went back to staring, like someone had cast a stop spell on him. So still he almost looked dead, but still alive, still breathing. Even if that didn’t look like living, at all.

“You can blink as much as you need to…?”

Once Cloud suggested that, he started blinking like he should, although slowly in his practically drowsy state. Something about that brought up a realization Cloud would prefer not to have.

“You should lie down,” he said, wanting to test a theory.

Sephiroth did as told without questioning it, without saying anything or giving any indication of an agreement. He was told to cover himself and he did that too, staring up at Cloud and waiting.

Cloud’s mind supplied him with a similar yet different image, one in which he was the one obeying, doing exactly as he was told and handing over a small, black sphere. He was rewarded back then, told he was a good boy before everything was the Lifestream and he was trapped in his own mind, unable to exit on his own.

“You did good,” he found himself saying because Sephiroth was waiting for him to say it. And saying that put some glee on his face, the kind that screamed _I’m a good boy, I did something useful! I’m a good boy,_ even without the words, and didn’t feel natural at all.

Cloud looked back to where Cait Sith was, beckoning him over and instructing him to tell Sephiroth to sit up, just to make sure that was exactly what he thought it was.

He watched as Sephiroth ignored the little robot entirely, as though Cait Sith just didn’t exist at all.

There was no Sephiroth anymore, not of the sort he knew at least.

There was only a puppet.

* * *

Sephiroth — or whatever remained of him — curled up against him like an oversized cat while Cloud had a phone call. They had quickly found out that if Sephiroth was left on his own for too long, he’d either become sick, coughing until blood or mako or both would come out, with his temperature spiking up into a fever, or try to make his way to Cloud no matter what; crawling whenever his legs would give up under him due to how tiring it was to walk in his current state.

He still hadn’t said anything, giving a somewhat frustrated expression and looking down if asked to speak. Writing things down seemed like a giant effort as well, so Cloud simply instructed him to nod and shake his head, sticking to “yes or no” questions.

 _“We need you here,”_ Tifa said on the other side of the line before Cloud started telling her all the reasons why he couldn’t leave Cosmo Canyon at the moment, much less engage in fighting. _It must be already too much for them to be dealing with the Deepground issue_ , he thought. He couldn’t add another layer to the problem by going back and taking Sephiroth with him.

Sephiroth would follow him, would find him no matter where, no matter what he was doing, or would suffer while trying to make his way to him.

Cloud didn’t know how to keep that from happening or how to pull him out of that state — And there must be a way to do so, after all he’d come back from a condition like that, himself. Even if that had only happened because he fell into the Lifestream again and someone had fallen along with him.

Too bad he couldn’t just go to fight and have Tifa watch over Sephiroth.

She’d quietly suggested, a bit uncertain, that he should just put Sephiroth out of his misery before he was dragged even further into it. Yeah… he definitely couldn’t have Tifa watching over Sephiroth, never, even if there wasn’t a puppet issue going on. He replied in an almost harsh tone that no, he wasn’t interested in doing such a thing after all he’d seen and heard, after all his efforts in trying to save the man.

_It’s my problem to deal with, now._

“Tell Vincent to try not to die,” he said before saying goodbye and ending the call.

Vincent Valentine was an _immortal_ man.

Cloud told Sephiroth to stand, take his hand and follow him, already knowing that halfway through he’d need to stop and pick him up so they could make the rest of the way to Bugenhagen’s place.

After that call, he felt like knitting something to relax.


	15. Fluttering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some reflections about the void.

The darkness was something intriguing, despite its sheer emptiness.

It was familiar, like being embraced by a part of the Lifestream that moved against him in constant denial, but different, strange. Nothing could reach him anymore, not in the way he'd grown accustomed to, at least. Not even those who were way more than just dead, who were special, such as Aerith. And, in turn, he couldn't reach the outside, not even to send a single wave of energy to the one who could “hear” him.

He couldn't reach Cloud.

Sephiroth felt as though he was floating in nothingness, without any means of escaping, but without any need to hurry, either. He was no longer being torn apart, piece by piece, no longer aching with the need to tie loose ends. He'd made clear what he intended to do, after all; ready to melt away and disappear, never to return, repaying Cloud’s absurdly ridiculous generosity with one (unintended) gesture before throwing him out, back to a world which would love him for his heroship.

The darkness was soothing.

And Cloud… Cloud wasn't there. He would mourn his own incapacity to truly make a change in an impossible case and would move on. He _had_ to move on. Sephiroth didn’t deserve him in the end, neither his suffering, and it’d be best to stick to that which actually helped in any capacity, the bits that eased the process before Sephiroth finally reached the decision to end all of it at once, as it should be.

He was just glad that things ended with a kiss instead of the crossing of their blades, metal against metal singing an eerie war song.

And yet, the surprise for what happened after Cloud left stuck to him, none of which intended; the strange refusal of the Lifestream, the way he was just thrown in the darkness instead of being torn apart, unable to do anything but float and think, float and wait.

He supposed he’d eventually fade away, as it made no sense if it were to be otherwise. A gentler ending, but an ending, nonetheless. Sephiroth had decided, after all. He wanted to make it so that no one would be able to use him for their own goals ever again, so that Cloud would stop suffering for him and go somewhere else he could be more useful at. The darkness granted him all of that, so it had to be it. Even if it wasn't exactly what he expected it to be, even if the wait seemed to last all that long.

But sometimes, he looked up to where he assumed the sky should be and he’d see Cloud… or maybe a memory of him, or a hallucination, he couldn’t really tell. Just then he’d wish things had gone differently. Or that perhaps he could still wake up, maybe in a new world where he and Cloud had never been the way they had in theirs.

Somewhere… they could be together.

* * *

The sound of needles clicking against one another kept Cloud grounded, a good thing, a soothing distraction. Both that and the eventual small talk on Cait Sith’s part.

Otherwise he’d have given in to the strange sensation lurking in the back of his mind, that unsettling darkness that threatened to take over every time he thought far too much about Sephiroth’s state and what that meant for himself; unwillingly pulling the strings of a silent puppet so Sephiroth could, at the very least, survive.

Cloud could feel the edges of his own mind blend with Sephiroth’s and he wanted that to stop at once, but he didn’t know how to stop it.

Or rather, he knew how to do it, but he didn’t have the heart to do it; couldn’t bring himself to raise a blade and bring it down, to poison the food, to let hands make their way around that throat and squeeze, squeeze, _squeeze_ until there was nothing left to worry about. Just the thought of doing such a thing had his stomach turning unpleasantly.

He wasn’t fit for a position of taking care of someone, coming to know them more, and then stabbing said someone to death just so he could… disconnect. Especially when it was someone who meant him no harm anymore, who had kissed him and left Cloud with the realization that he wanted more of that but _outside,_ where certain factors couldn’t influence the whole thing.

(He tried his best not to think about how many new layers of complication that kiss added.)

Maybe, Cloud realized as he was pulled out of his distraction by a pair of hands bringing his face closer to Sephiroth’s, he was thinking too much about that damn kiss for his own good. So much that his thoughts were bleeding over as commands.

Sephiroth stared at him with vacant eyes when he didn’t kiss back, waiting; looking a little silly with the red scarf around his neck but also cozy, domestic. It ruined his intimidation factor completely, made Cloud want to kiss him again, and again and again.

But Sephiroth wasn’t really _there,_ was he?

“I… I can’t—” Cloud choked back a sob, torn because of the things part of him wanted to do but couldn’t because it wouldn’t be right, because doing so would fill him with guilt; torn because he didn’t know what to do with the implications brought up by wanting to kiss Sephiroth again, wanting to keep his former enemy close to him.

Sephiroth’s shoulder felt warm against his face, but the fabric of the shirt covering it felt wet with his tears, uncomfortable with his pitiful little pleas for Sephiroth to just stop that and come back already in any manner other than that, even if it was to threaten the Planet once more with some stupid plan to travel through the stars or something.

Cait Sith’s hand felt heavier than it should against his back, while the little robot patted his back in an attempt to offer him some comfort.

* * *

The darkness was terrifying.

Things that probably didn’t belong there oozed from somewhere else into the emptiness. Feelings, reactions that shouldn’t be his own but somehow were anyway, motions. It was much like being in a mako tank covered by something thick, unable to see the outside but still able to sense it in a way, even as the processed Lifestream took over all senses someone could have.

It was familiar, but not quite the same. And he still couldn’t reach the source of those things leaking inside his quiet, relatively safe space, disturbing him.

Sephiroth felt that it was unfair, despite all the sins under his name, that he couldn’t just fall asleep and dream of a better, alternate life story because those things sneaking in kept him restless, wide awake even if he couldn’t do anything about them at all.

The darkness was tightening around him and inviting him to fight back, and he did, not because he wanted to. It was because everything making its way inside guided his very will to do so, influencing his decisions much like Shinra and Jenova had done one day.

In all of that, there was a trace of Cloud.

_Cloud._

Cloud who was most likely still around and beating himself up for his sake, always stubborn in ways that practically defied logic and that had made fighting him all the better.

So the darkness hadn’t granted him the things he wished for, at all.

Intriguing it was… _truly intriguing._


	16. Cat Shaped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cloud reads Loveless and Reeve has a bit of a moment.

Reeve’s old office had a little cat door of sorts, meant for his little Cait Siths, his beloved children.

Some of them never returned home, unfortunately, but others did and one of them even had a different home with his family, to keep them company. The ones that would make their way through the little door would bring with them adventures of their own that he preferred to hear than read or watch as data.

He missed the cat door, missed his former office. But he didn't miss working for Shinra.

The weight of what he'd done under their name still lingered in his mind, a heavy and constant reminder. Reeve was doing his best to compensate for that, taking advantage of his position as Shinra’s remaining director to prepare the public for a major shutdown of all reactors on the Planet. Surely, there would be an alternative for mako energy, even if it turned out to be less powerful. (He doubted there was something equal or more powerful than that, anyway.) The waters, the winds, fuel based on plants. No matter what it’d be, as long as it didn't compromise the Planet again, as long as Gaia carried on and lived.

He ran through the data he was getting from a Cait Sith far away from Midgar, the video footage showing some of the daily difficulty of caring for someone suffering from a severe case of mako poisoning. Someone who apparently could be manipulated due to the aspects of the Jenova cells.

It made him worry about Cloud, being forced into a position of manipulating Sephiroth the same way he’d once been manipulated by the man, himself.

They were both trying to salvage something from what was left after Meteorfall, if Reeve stopped to think about it. And Gaia, rebuilding after demolition could be hard. Watching Cloud made him wish he could do even more than what he was doing. Maybe find a way to relieve his friend of his worries just so Cloud could lend his strength, could help subdue the violent inhabitants of Deepground who were making the entire process of rescuing the somewhat sane ones and destroying Hojo’s databases harder than it should.

Cloud was better suited to combat and action than him, who simply stood back instead and offered his support the way he could.

The door to his temporary new office opened. A Cait Sith entered, followed by Tifa, who dropped on the chair on the other side of the table with a tired, maybe frustrated sigh.

“Long day?”

She nodded. Cait Sith made his way around the table to climb onto his lap and curl up on himself, probably in need of charging. Reeve ran a gentle hand over his robot’s soft, dark fur.

“Guess it’d be better if Cloud was here,” she said after a moment of silence, “he’d make a shitty joke about himself and would say ‘Everything will be alright’.”

“Maybe. And then Vincent would stop coming back a mess. Last time he and Barret came back from a run in with the Deepground soldiers, they were both covered in some strange blue thing.”

They still didn’t know anything about it other than the fact it wasn’t dangerous.

“Tell me you took a picture of that.”

“I didn’t,” he replied, much to her disappointment, but quickly followed with “But Cait Sith can be a great photographer.”

Reeve watched as the expression on Tifa’s face changed into one that basically screamed _You’ll have to send me that photo later_ and a brief chuckle escaped her.

A moment later she chose to say, “Yuffie came in contact with someone who might know where Rufus went to.”

“Oh? Tell me more about it, then.”

* * *

There was an old lady in Cosmo Canyon who knew her way around the crafts. That was the person with whom Cloud spent his afternoon with, after he made sure he wouldn’t be that far away from Sephiroth to the point of being harmful.

He seriously needed a break to cool his head, which was all over the place, really.

Mako had a certain smell that’d stick to a place even long after cleaning and removing the source of the issue. It smelled a lot like Midgar and somehow like Mideel, like the chamber just before the heart of a reactor. Worse yet, it smelled like Science; the horrors of the experiments he had only vague memories of coming to mind. It reminded him of the Northern Crater, as well, of fighting Jenova and Sephiroth. Of offering a hand because… well, it was _complicated._

Cloud didn’t want to fight anymore, not the way he had fought to stop Sephiroth, Shinra and everything that was eating the world away. He wanted more afternoons of helping people, basking in their simple happiness and learning how the locals made their beautiful, artistic shawls, for one.

He wanted Sephiroth to stop smelling like mako, wanted him to have a reaction of his own and possibly judge Cloud’s choice of shampoo for his long hair, which wasn’t at all fancy but did the job quite well.

Maybe he’d be better at making shawls than Cloud, who’d found out he had a long way to go, himself. The old woman was kind and understanding, offering to make a shawl for him if he had a good design for one and if he could fix her roof.

Cloud definitely had something in mind.

“Ah, wings,” she said, “You ever read Loveless?”

“Hm, no. Not really. I heard there’s a play based on it, though.”

“You should. Heh, it’s such a classic.”

The night brought with it stew and book reading.

Loveless was an epic about three friends and their seeking of the “gift of the goddess”. Cloud read it aloud on his seat by the bed, with Cait Sith charging on his lap, wondering whether or not Sephiroth liked poetry, wondering about what the man would think of that particular story.

One thing about it constantly caught Cloud’s attention, though: the mention of light and dark wings, which reminded him of the shawl the old lady was working on for him, which in turn had been inspired by those friends of Sephiroth he saw in his former enemy’s mind.

“I wish I could bring them back to you,” Cloud said quietly at one point, unsure if Sephiroth — not the puppet, but _Sephiroth_ — could hear that. “I’m sorry things turned out the way they did.” He brushed a silver strand away from Sephiroth’s face, who didn’t do much but blink and stare up at him. “But, it’ll be better, alright? If you can grown wings out of your butt, summon an oversized meatball and scare everyone shitless, you probably can get through this, too.”

Sephiroth stared up at him, vacant eyes fixed on his. Cloud thought they looked a little sad by default; the color of the mako, which was by itself something not meant to be reached and touched, lonely but so full of company in its essence. So full of demons, too.

Cait Sith sat up properly and stretched with a yawn.

“Ah, that was a good nap! Too bad I can’t keep on nappin’.” He looked up at Cloud. “Hey, lad, you got a special call!”

Cloud cocked his head to a side, watching as the small robot moved to sit on the bed instead.

“Just look into my eyes and don’t freak out, aye?”

Cait Sith sounded too cheerful about it, matching an expression that didn’t falter even as he went still and his eyes… started to open, slowly. They were far too big, to the point of causing a certain discomfort just from looking into them and… Gaia. They were definitely not what Cloud expected; empty and with a quality characteristic of a television’s screen.

Colors blinked slowly on them before a connection was established. On the right side, Reeve appeared, sat on a chair. On the left, someone who looked quite a lot like Vincent was sleeping on a couch, distant from the screen.

“Reeve?”

“Cloud. I know this isn’t conventional, but I thought you’d like a _proper_ update on things.” He didn’t sound cheerful like his robots, Cloud thought with some worry.

“Sure, why not?”

There was a pause, during which Reeve sighed and approached the screen on the other side a bit more. He lowered his voice.

“Rufus Shinra has been located. He and the Turks… they found out something you won’t like to know.”


	17. Her Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reeve brings up the bad news

“What do you mean Jenova’s still around?!” Cloud demanded, a little too loud. It caused Reeve to ask for his silence with a quick gesture; a finger against his lips and a motion to the couch way back on the left. “Sorry. But really,” Cloud asked quieter this time, “What in Hel?”

“While we were busy with… our tasks, he ordered some of his Turks to do a ‘search and retrieve’ and to eliminate anyone who might have come in contact with any of it.” Reeve sighed, looking behind himself as if to check if a certain former Turk was still asleep. “He’s well aware of the risks the material offers and he has it 'properly contained.'”

Cloud laughed at that. There was no safe containment procedure for something that could mess with one’s mind like Jenova could, even from afar. It was almost as if Jenova hadn’t escaped from Shinra before, almost as if Rufus was ignorant enough of it to believe it couldn’t happen again.

“Reeve,” he said, “What does he want?”

“He refused to say that and the current location of what they’ve found.”

There was a shared sigh between them and Cloud’s gaze fixed itself on the figure lying down behind Cait Sith, apparently not sleeping but awaiting for instructions.  _ Always waiting for an order to follow. _ Stopping to think about it had Cloud’s heart sinking for him, for his lifetime of commands to obey and a sense of false freedom that were both unfair; for a childhood lost to the labs long ago and the remains of a life that wasn’t quite like living.

(For that one kiss that Cloud couldn’t keep from his thoughts.)

“Cloud? He’s just behind Cait Sith, isn’t he?” Reeve asked, a touch of worry in his voice, “Sephiroth, I mean.”

Cloud opened his mouth for a moment but couldn’t do much other than nod.

“How are you holding up?” There came the question, though Reeve knew the answer already, aware of the daily struggle by watching sometimes through a cat shaped machine. It was complicated, knowing of things before the rest of their group, holding onto secrets while wishing to unveil them.

He expected Cloud to lie about it, just so they could keep talking about Rufus.

“Poorly,” Cloud said instead, avoiding the cat’s eyes. “It feels like… it feels like he’s not even in there sometimes, and I… Gaia,” he faltered, angered but sad, “I really wanna do something to get him out of there but there’s nothing I can do, I…” He covered his face with his hands, lowering his head in his frustration.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could be of more help.”

Reeve thought Cloud looked a little more drained when he could see his face next, when he opened his mouth to argue against that.

“Trust me, you’re already doing your best,” he said, “Both by helping in Midgar and keeping me somewhat sane with Cait Sith.”

For a moment, he simply watched as Reeve smiled at that, not quite knowing what to say just yet. What happened next was so sudden that Cloud barely had any time to prepare for it, catching the small feline in his arms out of instinct when Cait Sith was thrown out of the bed. His friend on the other side of the line wondered about that, his words coated in nothing but concern.

Sephiroth had sat up abruptly, a single black wing sprouting from his back.

Cloud stared at him for any signs of awareness instead of answering Reeve’s inquiries, but found none. Blood was sliding down his back from the point that extra appendage came out and he was shaking slightly, but he still wasn’t  _ there. _ Cloud swore, prompting even more questions.

Once he turned Cait Sith around, Reeve swore as well.

“Is he…?” He started asking, unable to bring himself to finish it.

“No. But I need a moment. If you can hold on?” Regardless of the answer, Cloud was already standing and setting the little robot down on the chair he was comfortable on before that.

“Go ahead.”

The room was mostly quiet as Cloud helped Sephiroth lie down again as comfortably as possibly and left to get a clean, damp cloth to take care of that mess the wing left in its awake. There wasn’t an open wound for him to look, given that the spot from where the wing emerged closed around it almost as quickly as it had exited.  _ Almost. _

The skin around it was still sensitive, causing Sephiroth to flinch whenever the cloth was too close to it. Flinch, but without letting out much sound, if any at all. Flinch, but without questioning Cloud’s reasons for helping him like it happened when Cloud saw that wing for the first time. The strange nostalgia of that guided his hand, made it a little gentler than it already was, had him running it afterwards through silver strands and pulling them to the side just a little more. They had been lucky that no blood caught on his long hair, but it wouldn’t do to have them touch that area and possibly irritate it.

He was making sure the wing was resting comfortably on the bed when he heard a phone ringing. Not his and not even closer to him, however.

Reeve not only waited but he was also taking a call… during their call. Cloud sat down on the bed to wait.

“Rufus wants to speak with you,” Reeve just said once he was done, “Face to face. I told him you can’t leave your current location and he… well, he’s going there. And he’s taking Jenova with him.”

Cloud ran a hand over his face with a tired sigh.

“Does he know that’s how Sephiroth… uh, lost it in the first place?”

“Yes. I told him. He insisted on doing it, anyway.”

Wanting to sink and become one with the earth was a feeling they both could share about that sort of decision making. At least one of them wouldn’t have to deal with the possible impact of having both Sephiroth and whatever remained of Jenova on the same side of the Planet. For that much, Cloud was glad.

“I’ll try to keep Sephiroth as far as I can. Thanks for letting me know,” he said, just before an emergency came up and Reeve had to hang up.

Cait Sith closed his eyes again and stretched as though all of it had been nothing but a small inconvenience. Maybe it was, for all that Cloud could tell. Maybe it’d be just a little interruption of their routine, to have Rufus come to Cosmo Canyon, and things would be alright, or at least the closest to alright it could get.

He ran a hand over dark feathers with a certain tenderness, feeling their softness and warmth under his fingers as he told Sephiroth to sleep; a bad feeling sitting heavy on his chest.

“It’ll be okay,” he told himself, “We’ll be okay.”

Even though, deep inside, he wasn’t so sure.


	18. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rufus manages to ruin everything by doing business with Cloud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must warn that there's some concerning imagery/body horror going on here, along with the usual stuff.
> 
> Stay safe and stuff!

He heard the moment the helicopter landed outside the town.

Or rather, he heard the commotion from the locals about that event and watched from the window as people moved to see who had arrived in such a manner; watched as, far away from the room he was in, a figure that looked like Tseng carried someone who couldn’t be anyone but Rufus Shinra up the staircase of the entrance, followed by a familiar looking blonde carrying a box and a bald man bringing with him a wheelchair and a blanket.

 _Elena and Rude,_ he assumed, finding Reno’s absence strange until the Turk appeared, having caught up with the others, quickly moving to help Tseng and Rude place their boss down on the wheelchair.

Meteor had left an impact on everyone, indeed.

Cloud moved away from the window once he saw Elena talking to one of the locals, probably asking where they could find him.

“Sephiroth,” he called, finding that green, vacant gaze turning to him with an usual lack of words, “We’re going outside.”

Sephiroth showed no reaction but Cloud knew that the moment he tried to leave, he’d be followed anyway, so he moved to help Sephiroth make it out without much trouble, Cait Sith a couple steps behind them on top of his toy tonberry, until Cloud deemed it was no longer safe to proceed with company.

He was making Sephiroth sit down on a chair, away from the Cosmo Candle, where their… _visitors_ awaited, when they were noticed and the Turks began to whisper about it among themselves. Probably about either what he was doing or about that black wing, which Cloud covered with a blanket in an attempt of not drawing too much attention to its presence.

“Stay here until I come back,” he told Sephiroth before turning to their feline assistant, “If he tries to get close, keep him here, please.”

“I’ll do my best, lad.”

With an acknowledging nod, Cloud turned away, missing the way Sephiroth’s hand twitched, as though he wanted to keep him from going away even if for a brief moment.

* * *

Even wounded and despite the fact that his company had fallen, Rufus did his best to appear as pristine as it was possible.

It showed in the way he held himself; in the white coat and the expensive wheelchair he’d only need for a while, luxuries for all to see. It was in the way he stared at the scene across from them, across from the flames of the Cosmo Candle before them. In the way he kept his expression unreadable, his hands resting one over the other on his lap, with the blanket they wrapped around him for extra protection, which hid most of the damage he had sustained on his head.

Reno thought he looked cool, but in a professional way. _A businessman and an enigma._

Now, when he looked at Strife, he thought he looked like a man trying to either make fire with two stones or keep a little flame burning as a cat watched by his side. It seemed like a wasted, hopeless effort. Even from afar, it seemed like the losing battle he heard his boss mentioning it probably was, but that was _Strife._

And Strife was, without a doubt, a fool.

But at the very least, he wasn’t the kind of fool that accepted to simply go down without a fight, and Reno could respect that about him. He was also stubborn to a fault. A stubborn chocobo looking man who was then walking towards them, a frown on his face that almost had Reno regretting the fact he murmured about Strife with the others just moments before.

_Almost._

“Why haven’t you destroyed it yet?” He demanded as soon as he was in close enough. The flames between them made him appear angrier than he’d have looked without them.

Rufus was as collected in his reply as Strife was his namesake.

“Because I intend to negotiate.”

“Rufus,” he said in warning, “There’s nothing to talk about. You know very well by now what Sephiroth tried to do for this _thing.”_ He pointed at the box, disgust clear on his face as daylight. Maybe even brighter than the top of Rude’s head, Reno thought. “You know he almost succeeded. What the _fuck_ do you even want?”

Elena twitched, probably feeling the need of reprimanding Strife for his words. _Have more respect, it wasn’t you who went Jenova hunting,_ she’d likely say, to which Strife would probably counter with _Your boss didn't go scavenge it either,_ to which Elena would have no reply to. So she stayed quiet, but bothered by the treatment, burning inside like the fire between them. Reno thought she was somewhat like that girl Rude liked. They’d certainly make a very explosive duo, that was for sure.

Reno was ready to be a wingman if the opportunity were to ever arise.

“Give me Sephiroth back,” Rufus answered with a certain hint in his voice that assured them that wasn’t a honest offer, “Let him work under the Shinra’s name again once he's recovered.”

Strife crossed his arms, taking in that proposal rather poorly. “I asked you what you want. Stop playing.”

Reno noticed the way Tseng disguised a chuckle by pretending to cough, the way Elena averted her eyes to the fire instead while Rude shifted his stance just a touch. Rufus just snorted at that, then, after a moment of consideration, snapped his fingers at the youngest of their own. The box was thrown at Strife a split second after, without much warning; resistant enough that there wouldn’t be any issues if it wasn’t to be caught.

“What I want is for you to give me a chance to prove myself better than my father. We’ll start here, by destroying one of the key pieces that made Shinra what it was. Then, we’ll continue with your cooperation.” Rufus leaned slightly forward. “You are not to make those ignorant of what was really going on aware of it. We’ll deal with such matters in private, whenever you’re ready to meet me again. I’ll leave the era of mako reactors in the past and we’ll not get in the middle of each other’s way. These are my terms.”

Strife was, apparently, unimpressed.

“You could’ve just destroyed it and called me to say that, you know.” He put the box down, making a quick work of opening it before picking up a torch, which he lit up with the fire burning between them. He didn’t look at the contents much, just enough for his expression to become sour in the face of it.

They all had seen what was in the box; the unfitting pieces they gathered, with the alien’s severed head in the middle of it all, staring up at whoever looked into the box with the only eye that remained as the other side had nothing but a deep hole. It seemed to be perpetually smiling, as well. Definitely not something for one to look at after lunch.

The reaction of its meeting with the flames was intense; angry and multicolored, shades of violet and green dancing among the usual reds and yellows. Apparently, there wasn’t enough of the creature in the box for it to morph and assume a more powerful, defensive form.

And so, it burned as the silence sat heavy among them while they all watched. 

* * *

Something wandered into his darkness. Something that had no trace of Cloud at all.

In that darkness, where there was nowhere to run to, he couldn’t do much other than watch the figure moving towards him; a broken body that made the regular motions of walking virtually impossible, causing pieces of it to fall away at the insistence, and a head, with a large hole in the place of the right eye, that bounced with the effort of it all, hanging onto the neck by a few bits of skin and muscle, threatening to fall off at any moment.

Sephiroth felt dirty by that presence in such a private space; repulsed by the sight of the alien’s blood sliding down that strange humanoid torso, disturbed by the fire that had taken over Jenova’s silver hair all of sudden, causing the body to fall apart even faster.

He felt the darkness around them tighten and tighten as the creature got closer to him, extending forward its twisted arms with broken fingers and weird angles to capture his throat with an impossible strength, squeezing, squeezing and _squeezing._ He reached for its arms, trying to yank them away but finding that Jenova was stronger than him, even falling apart and burning down as she was. Sephiroth drew in a shaky, little breath, panic washing over him as those hands squeezed harder, more desperately.

 _It’s your fault,_ the creature said, with lips that were then melting, exposing a couple rows of sharp teeth, layered one behind the other rather poorly. _It’s all your fault._

Sephiroth panted, pulling on those arms hard enough for them to break even further under his grasp, though Jenova didn’t seem really bothered about that. _You’re a useless child. I’m doing this for your own good,_ it said, its nose falling and its burned skin slipping slowly away from its face, _You understand, don’t you? It’s what you want most, after all._

_To die._

That… wasn’t exactly wrong, he thought. He still wanted it, in fact, just so all of that would just stop. Even if the Lifestream refused to accept him, even if he could never be reunited with those he’d lost. And it could be given to him just like that, could actually provide him that sweet relief he longed for that the darkness hadn’t gifted him.

But part of him still thought of Cloud, of those things that were so strong they could make their way into his darkness, filling it, caging him in a shrinking space but urging him to find his way out all the same.

He thought of him and didn’t let go.

* * *

The remains in the box were still burning when Cloud caught the sound of gasps, the voice of an alarmed Cait Sith; when he turned to find the little cat trying to get Sephiroth to calm down, trying to get under control those hands that tried to pull something invisible away from his neck.

Cloud didn’t really care whether Rufus was watching or not, running to try to help in any way he could.

The moment he reached Sephiroth, he had his shirt grabbed and found his eyes staring into mako green ones, devoid of that vacancy that had become the new “normal” as of lately, filled instead with sheer desperation.

He was _there!_ He was there, no longer that strange, empty puppet he had turned into. But he was also suffocating, it seemed, quickly losing what little strength he still had in his grip and slipping away once more, his eyes falling closed, his wing suddenly gone and his weight leaning forward against Cloud, who was trying his best not to panic.

Gaia, it had been ages since he’d last had to perform CPR on someone.

It had been so long since he’d brought someone out of danger only for said someone to remain unconscious anyway. And given Sephiroth’s case, every moment he spent unconscious was reason enough for concern, no matter that he still breathed, that his heart was still beating.

Cloud picked him up, turning to see the box still lit by the fire he’d set on it, though normal, just like the flames of the Cosmo Candle were.

“Take your fucking box of ashes and leave,” he told Rufus, right before he left for the room he was staying in with Sephiroth, Cait Sith just a step behind him, full of concern but not daring to ask anything just then.

Deep inside Cloud had a feeling that their situation had just gotten worse, somehow.


	19. Birdwatching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cloud... waits.

“So,” Aerith started, her hair free in the wind as she twirled her staff around, and her eyes hidden from his sight by her pink ribbon, “we meet again.”

“Yeah…” Cloud sighed, letting himself sink on the flower field that expanded all around them. Some part of him was aware of the fact that she hadn’t come for a visit on her own; that he had called for her in such a trying time and she had reacted to the request kindly. But he didn’t know what to talk about, not really.

Maybe he just wanted to lie down on her flowers for a while, just so he could forget for a second or two about seeing Sephiroth return for a moment, only to go under once more.

He hadn’t woken up ever since whatever remained of Jenova burned down to black ashes, much like a puppet cut off from its strings. Cloud didn’t know whether to feel glad to be freed from an uncomfortable position or to fear the worst. All he knew was that he’d made Sephiroth as comfortable as he could, had taken care of him and waited on his bedside, startling himself at the softest of the gasps, thinking that something, anything would happen at any moment, even if it was just for Sephiroth to wake up again as he had been before that incident, without any real change to his case.

Nothing really happened on that same day Rufus had dropped by. Likewise, nothing big happened the day after, other than maybe the smell of mako having become weaker than it usually was, encouraging him deep inside to keep hoping, though it hurt to keep looking at Sephiroth like that.

Cloud had fallen asleep with Cait Sith on his lap, that night.

“You’re back to where you started, aren’t you?” She asked, the tip of her staff burying into the fresh soil. Even though she could no longer sense Sephiroth anywhere near the Lifestream, she could feel her friend’s distress, could listen to the thoughts oozing out of him sometimes and guess.

Aerith heard him hum in response and waited patiently, taking to walking around the staff while she held on it. She noticed Cloud sitting upright, seeing without really doing so through the improvised blindfold.

“I know it’s been only a day and a half,” he said with a sigh, “but the longer he stays like that, the longer I look at him… I can’t help but think…” He trailed off, trying to gather the words needed to say it but failing.

_There’s a chance he’ll never wake up. And I think it’s my fault._

She was near him in an instant, holding him down against the flowers and the dirt with her staff against his chest. He might have the strength of a SOLDIER among the living, but in that dreamlike place — _her_ place — she had the upper hand and the power to pin him down for as long as she wished.

“Cloud,” she breathed, _“Cloud._ Even if that happens, it won’t be your fault, alright? So please, don’t blame yourself. It won’t help him if you do.”

She had to catch his hand when he reached it up to her face, aware of his intention of removing her ribbon and seeing her for how he last remembered her; blood soaking her dress and no life flowing through her, and then… having to fight while she grew colder, having to put her down on that lake to rest, having to—

Aerith could feel water touching her legs and feet where she was, straddling Cloud and trying to keep him from taking the blame as he wished to do. He was clearly thinking about _that_ one moment, too, then.

“Aerith—”

“Don’t blame yourself for me,” she whispered with a soft smile. “I knew it before I left. That it would happen.” She moved her staff away from him and stood at last. “That’s why I left by myself. Because that was something I needed to do. And even if that didn’t happen like it did, calling for Holy would’ve done it anyway.”

“But you said you’d be back,” Cloud countered.

“And I am, silly. I’m right here. Just because I’m not out there it doesn’t mean I’m totally gone.” She circled him, ruffling his hair as she went and squatting behind him to tie her ribbon around his head as a blindfold for his eyes instead. “It’s okay if you don’t want to look at it too much,” Aerith whispered into his ear, “and it’s alright to feel afraid it might take a bad turn. But please be kind to yourself.”

He reached up, keen on touching her, offering a little something in exchange for her words, but being unable to feel anything under his fingers but petals.

 _It’s not your fault,_ the wind whispered before he woke up. _It’s not your fault._

* * *

 

Maybe part of what scared him about that was having a Sephiroth who was technically isolated; a sign that definitely wasn’t a good one, as his traumas had taught him long ago, back in Nibelheim. A sign that made him worry after he had seen Sephiroth regret the actions under his name, after he’d seen him longing for death like that.

There was never anything good about leaving a troubled Sephiroth on his own.

But there wasn’t much he could do about it and as Aerith told him, (which he needed to remember quite often) blaming himself for it wouldn’t help, would only bring in more despair without any sort of solace. He had to wait and see; watch over the familiar figure breathing gently with a blanket and a brand new shawl over him and hope for the best.

(Cloud thought Sephiroth looked nice with that mismatched set of wings protecting him.)

On the fourth day, without any warning, Tifa came.

Her hair was somewhat shorter than he remembered it being before they parted ways, and she had a thin, new scar on her cheek. She told him Cid had to go back to Rocket Town, but that their pilot friend had gave her a ride. Before she’d said anything, however, she had thrown herself at him as soon as she saw him, still strong enough that she could lift him up with that hug.

They sat down in the room and talked for hours, with her noting that Sephiroth looked a little more human with his hair braided over his shoulder and with that shawl over him, less intimidating than he’d been before.

And of course, Tifa knew about Rufus’ visit and expressed her worry, then her relief about the fate of Jenova’s remains.

Cloud asked her about the pink ribbon she was wearing on her arm, once he finally noticed it, and she told him how the others came up with the idea of wearing them in memory of their fallen friend, before producing a couple of them out of her pocket. She didn’t explicitly say anything about one of them being for Sephiroth, but she glanced in his direction anyway and said, “If he’s not that person, if he has regrets, then maybe…” trailing off and shaking her head as if not wanting to think too much about it, not wanting to change her mind and take one of those extra ribbons away with her.

She left before dinner, in an old truck that came to pick her up and had been waiting outside of the town. She was headed to Nibelheim and Cloud couldn’t help but worry a little about her.

* * *

It had taken Sephiroth a week going through what the old manor had to offer before he emerged, ready to set not only that particular mountain town on fire but also the whole Planet, as long as people stood in his way.

_Seven days._

Cloud was taken by the feeling that something would happen, as he lied down to sleep on the sixth night since Jenova burned, since he saw _Sephiroth_ for a split moment before everything went back to the way it was before, when he’d taken Sephiroth out of the Crater along with him; when he’d watched the others pitch their tents a little further away from his in their fear. Maybe it was silly, that echo of a tragedy having him aware enough to barely sleep.

Maybe the tiredness eating away at him was just making him paranoid.

_Maybe._

He got up on the seventh day to find that nothing had changed. Cloud didn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed over that. He only knew that whatever he had dreamed about in what little sleep he had that night had worked him up to a cold sweat, even if he couldn’t remember it, and he could use a good shower before breakfast.

Once, it had taken seven days for Sephiroth to snap and burn his hometown down to ashes.

This time, it had taken him just as long to vanish from his bed.


	20. Out Of The Cage

There were things that were easy to lose if one took their eyes off them for a moment or two. Pens on a cluttered desk. A hair tie. A dog. A specific materia in a box of equipment. Someone of their party who stopped to talk to a mascot in the Gold Saucer when they weren’t paying too much attention. Cloud had been there before. He also had to drag Yuffie away from that one candy stand before she could spend any more of their GP (and possibly gil) there. While it was a ride he didn’t want to repeat if it was possible, in the end, such things (and people) were usually found again.

It shouldn’t be easy to lose an over six foot tall, silver haired man while one was gone to take a shower, Cloud thought. Someone had to have seen him, he imagined, and given the time they’d spent in the town in addition to who Sephiroth was, someone would’ve alerted him if they’d seen him, no doubt.

And yet there Cloud was, looking for him and not getting even a little hint of where he might be; wishing he had shaken Cait Sith awake instead of leaving him recharging before he left for his shower.

 _Well, at least Cosmo Canyon isn’t burning,_ his mind supplied, though it was still worrisome nonetheless.

When he finally caught sight of him, morning was turning into afternoon already. Most of his long, silver hair hair was hidden under the shawl wrapped around him as he sat there, legs apparently dangling over the edge of the cliff he had escaped to. Cloud’s own legs felt a little heavier at the picture Sephiroth made like that. He sort of wished he hadn’t sent Cait Sith away to ask around, just so he could have someone to give him a little push, to let out a hesitant _Uhn, lad?_ and get him moving forward.

It was as if he was younger, determined in becoming just like Sephiroth even though he never made it into SOLDIER. He was pretty sure that his younger self would’ve frozen in place for a moment if he were to find Sephiroth like that, without anyone else in the immediate surroundings.

He had to remember he was no longer that infantryman.

“Hey,” he called when he was close enough, sitting down beside Sephiroth when no reply came. “You finally got through.”

“Hn.”

Cloud watched as he pulled on the shawl, tightening it around himself. Watched as he looked down and took in a little, shaky breath before looking ahead again and keeping his gaze that way; above the town and focused on the horizon, on the clouds and birds alike that passed by.

“I almost destroyed all of this,” he said at last, a little too quiet, his voice a little hoarse, “I could have…”

“But you didn't,” Cloud countered. He reached out a hand to brush the fall of his bangs away, just so he could see those reddened eyes, the pain of regret all over him, clear as day.

“It doesn't make any of it right…” Sephiroth breathed, falling quiet afterwards for a long moment. Cloud allowed him the time without pressuring, watching him contemplate the depths below once more until he closed his eyes and whispered, “I… I don’t think I should... be alive.”

Cloud couldn’t help the way his chest tightened at those words, at that voice cracking around them. Couldn’t help it and pulled Sephiroth close to him, feeling him flinch between his arms but practically melt there a few seconds later. He shuddered again as Cloud told him not to say such a thing, told him how glad he was for him waking up, for him being alive. Shuddered, but didn’t move away for a long time, simply breathing and trying to calm himself down, even though he knew very well there were no tears left for him to cry at the moment.

He wanted to tell Cloud he could hear the tiredness in his voice while he whispered soothing words to him. Wanted to tell him that he wasn’t worth that much effort, even though he knew Cloud would find a way to counter that argument with one of his own.

He wanted to tell Cloud how suffocating it was, to want a kiss while feeling so unworthy of such affection.

He wanted to tell about how he could still feel _her_ broken hands around his throat even then, squeezing and filling his head with things that broke him even more due to the hint of truth hiding underneath them. How he could still feel the weight of _her_  body burning over him, filling him up with _her_ toxic fumes, telling him through melting lips it’d be best, not only for _her_ but for everyone as well, if he would just be gone already. Wanted to say how feeling the ghost of _her_ long gone presence reminded him constantly of exactly what kind of abomination he was.

He wanted to tell Cloud Strife those things and also so many, many others.

Instead, Sephiroth backed away from him with a sad, little smile, removing that shawl from around himself, considering how well the familiar image of those wings looked like when it was wrapped around Cloud instead. Considering how both Genesis and Angeal would’ve liked him with that stubbornness with a touch of honor.

His gaze lingered a moment longer before he turned away and jumped.

Not for the reasons he’d usually jump for, however, as he was still aware of the Planet’s denial. And he let out his wing before Cloud could even register what happened, intending to spare him the fright, twirling in the air as he went upwards after the initial fall. He didn’t quite trust himself to go that much far away from where they were, staying in the air immediately above that cliff.

But oh, it was... _liberating,_ nonetheless.

Well, at least until his breath caught and his limbs felt too heavy suddenly, until his wing felt too weak to hold him up there and gravity was pulling him back down, right into the arms of a very alarmed Cloud, ready to scold him.

“You shouldn’t be flying after you just woke up from… from _that!_ I mean, it’s already amazing that you got up here in one piece without anyone seeing you, but—”

“Cloud,” he interrupted, smiling through his tiredness, “you’re far too kind for your own good.”

He filed Cloud’s tired smile to that away with all those other things he probably didn’t deserve to have but longed forward to seeing again, anyway; just a little something to hold on to through all of his sins, to think about on a rainy day.

“C’mon, let’s get some food and rest,” Cloud said, “then we can start working out how to get you back into proper shape.”

He could only nod weakly to that, though part of him felt somewhat more motivated to keep going on than it was before, when he’d reached that cliff.


	21. A Moment Of Respite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sephiroth and Cloud get some rest.

Cloud woke up to warmth on his side and a hand running just gently through his unruly hair. A hand that retreated quickly once his awareness was noticed. He watched through his drowsiness as those eyes, devoid of cruelty but full of regret, stared elsewhere to avoid his.

“My apologies. I didn't mean to wake you up,” Sephiroth said quietly, somehow hoping for Cloud to go back to sleep, just so those little signs of weariness would vanish from his face at once.

“It’s okay. How are you feeling?”

“Not good. But not really bad either. Just… really sore all over.” He closed his eyes, as though he either intended to sleep some more or simply regretted leaving the room right after waking up.

He had explained to Cloud, once they made it back there, that seeing the walls all around him when he’d come back to his senses filled him with the urge to leave as soon as possible, to seek an open place away from anyone else so he could breathe without feeling that weird tightness in his chest. But with that came the realization he most likely didn’t deserve what waited him outside, while at the same time he couldn’t run away to somewhere…  _ beyond, _ couldn’t obtain the sort of punishment and release he thought was right.

Never once during that conversation he noticed the way he reached a hand to his throat, the way he tried to keep his neck from view.

Sephiroth didn't realize he was doing it again, either. At least not until Cloud gently pried his hand away, turning it around to entwine their fingers. Until he reached out with his free hand to brush a few silver strands away, while Sephiroth simply allowed him, not wanting to cause any further alarm.

“You keep reaching for your neck,” Cloud noted with a certain worry, “Is there anything you need to talk about?”

He hesitated for a moment, opening his eyes and trying not to focus too much on the hand resting on his cheek or on the thumb tracing small, slow circles there or on the face of the one before him.

“I have a question,” Sephiroth decided at last, much as he’d guiltily done earlier, when he asked Cloud to stay close to him, even though a part of him wanted to send Cloud far away from himself, even though part of him wanted to run away at the thought of Cloud lying down near him in reaction to that request. He watched as silent encouragement for him to ask it came. “Was any part of... Jenova near me, recently?”

He felt that hand holding his own tightening a little.

“Rufus brought the remains in a box. I set it on fire.” Cloud couldn’t help but notice the hint of a smile on Sephiroth’s face at the very last thing he said, though it quickly vanished.

Sephiroth’s eyes closed again, his voice down to a near whisper as he said, “She made her way inside, one last time. I’m not sure how, I only know that she tried to…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it, couldn’t bring himself to even think about it. Not that it was really needed for Cloud to put the pieces together and freeze there for a few moments. “I can’t help but think that she was right.”

“...About what?”

“That it’s my fault, all of it,” he whispered with a sigh.

“Even if it is, you can’t undo any of what happened by punishing yourself.”

“I know. But it feels… wrong. To do nothing about it.” Sephiroth looked pained when he stared at him again, that entire dilemma clearly causing a mess in his head.

“Maybe living through your regrets and trying to do better than you did in the past is already your punishment,” Cloud offered with a sad smile, “And I wouldn't mind helping you with that.”

“I will never be able to repay you.”

“You don’t need to. Look, we… suffered enough already. I think I just want that to stop.”

Sephiroth was about to say something about Cloud’s suffering but was interrupted by a little cat figure walking into their room. He remembered Cloud calling it Cait Sith, just like the black and white one that usually accompanied the party, but due to the circumstances, he had yet to be properly introduced to the cat.

And it didn’t look like that would be the time for it, given the quick announcement that Cloud had a call waiting for him, causing him to excuse himself for a moment.

He left in his absence food for thought and an intriguing sensation where his hands had touched.

* * *

The rest of their day was spent on a certain degree of effort, comforting words and a particular instance of “It’s alright, Cloud, I can take a bath by myself,” followed by Cloud having to help him anyway, as a few steps after his body was torn between soreness and trying to heal, struggling to fix the problem as soon as it was possible for someone enhanced such as he was.

It made him ache in ways he couldn’t recall aching before.

The warm water against his skin brought him some relief, though it couldn’t solve the issue in its entirety. So did the soup they both ate for dinner, warming him up inside without being too aggressive to his body; without reminding him of those monthly visits to  _ that _ lab that he once considered a normal part of his routine, despite their various side effects.

He could’ve dozed off with that gentle warmth alone, right after dinner. Instead he caught himself observing Cloud, who had made himself comfortable on the chair near his bed, finding a small source of relaxation in a pair of needles and a ball of yarn. Sephiroth thought at first that if the warmth and comfort didn’t do it, the clicking of the needles against one another would eventually make him fall asleep. But the more he watched, the more entranced by all of it he became; the rhythmic little noises, the focus Cloud had on that task. The way he held himself, as if not expecting a nuisance to interrupt his moment of peace any time soon.

He looked so… domestic. (From what he understood of it, of course.) It was strangely pleasant to see.

It also made him want to—

“Cloud,” he called, catching Cloud’s attention before he could think twice. Maybe it was sleepiness that had him asking something like that so freely, without much of that heavy layer of guilt and self-judgement that had been haunting him. Maybe it was the time he spent practically alone making him crave contact. Regardless of the reason, he asked, “Can I kiss you?”

It was different from simply kissing him and having him react to it. And it caused the last of Cloud’s attention still focused on any other thoughts to shift fully to him; caused a blue gaze to be averted as color bloomed on soft cheeks. Cloud considered it for a moment before nodding at last, anxiously. He moved from his chair to the bed, sitting on the edge of it and reaching out a hand to touch Sephiroth’s cheek as he leaned down, allowing himself to be close enough for Sephiroth to close the distance between them, welcoming all the gentleness that came when he did; the softness of it as they both drew it out just to bask in the feeling of it a little longer.

They didn’t talk much afterwards, but it was a silence that they could both appreciate, especially as it led to Cloud lying down near him under the covers, his hands busy with long, silver hair, and his presence soothing.

Maybe, at the very least, they’d sleep well that night.


	22. Echoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sephiroth has a distressing night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some nightmarish stuff happening right at the beginning of this chapter, body horror and tentacles. Definitely not the fun kind of tentacles. So, proceed with caution?
> 
> I might have a writer block I'm fighting, so I don't like how this chapter came out much? But I still hope it's okay!

Cloud stood in the darkness, his eyes full of fury and a sword held firmly in his hands.

His stance was rather poor, showing his tiredness after fighting so much. Mayhaps, were it not for his stubbornness, his perseverance and choice of companionship, he’d never have made so far, would not be standing there in the nothingness he’d been summoned to. Not that he couldn't have failed anyway through the long journey until that point.

There was a certain charm to it, Sephiroth realized, just as that sword went through his body, pressing far too close to his heart to be comfortable; slicing through skin, muscles and organs with ease, destroying him like it was supposed to happen in the end, digging in deeper with every desperate breath he took.

He didn't need to worry any longer, for Cloud was there to free him from his predicament. No hands would be offered to save him in any way. It’d be okay.

_ It’d be okay. _

That was when  _ she _ chose to show up; broken arms around his hips and tentacles slick with some kind of fluid wrapping around his arms and hands, guiding him in that moment when he found himself unable to move, when he’d already surrendered. He drank in the fear of those blue eyes as his hands found  Cloud’s throat, taking in the short gasp he drew from him with  _ her _ help.

The tentacles forced him to tighten his hands, squeezing harder, causing the darkness to squeeze them further together against one another until they were practically united as one.

He couldn't stop, even if the more he squeezed, the more he just wanted to let go. There wasn't enough room around them for him to flee with the darkness enveloping everything, Cloud in front of him and Jenova on his back, the alien’s lips close to his ear to the point of great discomfort.  _ She _ whispered something he couldn't make sense of, something otherworldly.

Sephiroth made the mistake of looking away.

The moment he turned back his attention to what he didn’t want to see, Cloud’s eyes were no longer there. There was only red. Only red, red and more  _ red _ cascading down from where they should be, in their gentle sky blue with a mako glow. Making its way down his cheeks and getting into his open mouth as he struggled in a futile attempt to escape.

There were wings growing on his back; distorted, made of a forced expansion of his own flesh. Sephiroth tried to flee at the very sight of them, only to find his hands practically glued to the neck they had been squeezing, skin fused with skin to keep him from leaving.

_ He couldn't do anything. Couldn't do anything, couldn't do anything. _

Tentacles with sharp ends reached out to Cloud's throat with a clear intent. The head,  _ she _ wanted the head.

_ She _ was going to take it,  _ she _ was—

Sephiroth sat up abruptly, panting, feeling completely disoriented at the quick shift of the situation around him. He looked at his shaking hands for any sign of  _ something else _ that shouldn’t be there, for any stains of blood that should’ve been there after all of that, but he was unable to find anything of the sort. What he found was Cloud beside him, rubbing his own eyes before reaching out to him with careful touches that soon enough turned into a hug and whispered, soothing words.

He didn’t need to wonder about the possible reason why Cloud was so good at that, for he simply knew.

_ It was (somewhat) his fault. The manipulation. The nightmares. _

Cloud didn’t bring that up, however; he only sat there with him, offering comfort and distraction without judgement, until Sephiroth’s thoughts were mostly on him. Until his words moved from “I’m here, it’s gonna be okay” to soft promises whispered against his hair while neither of them could relax enough to go back to sleep. And that had Sephiroth feeling somewhat guilty for requiring the attention, his attempts of retribution coming as if by instinct; his fingers gently massaging Cloud’s back over and over.

“Something really bad happened to you in the dream I had,” Sephiroth eventually whispered, once they both had relaxed enough for him to be comfortable with it, “I am… glad you’re well.”

He smiled against Cloud’s shoulder as the latter hummed in acknowledgement and pressed a kiss against his hair.

“Do you feel better now?” Cloud ended up asking.

“A little.” A sigh escaped him as he backed away from that hug, his intention of staring at the one before him all but gone in a matter of mere seconds. Even a single glimpse had him overwhelmed with conflicting thoughts; the sudden awareness of that gentleness and of the past, all at once.

It felt as though it'd never be easy.

“Every time I look at you,” Sephiroth couldn't help but say, “I feel… the need of keeping you close, but at the same time I want to send you away so I don’t get the chance of possibly doing such terrible things to you… as it happened before.” He smiled to himself a little sadly as he stared down at his hands, trying to avoid the sensation he’d described.

He only looked up again once he saw Cloud’s hands reaching out to cover his, smaller than his hands yet strong enough to handle the large sword he carried and gentle in the way they rested over his own.

“I think you’d hurt me more if you sent me away at this point. I’ve been thinking about that for a while now.” His hands squeezed Sephiroth’s just a touch. “If you had come back wanting to summon a Meteor or something, I’d have to get close to you anyway to… you know. But you didn’t and we aren’t enemies anymore, so—”

“And what are we?”

It seemed to shake Cloud, that question; made his thoughts wander in search for answers, for the right words to say, though he found nothing. No solid answer to give.

“I don’t know. But I think I like it, whatever it is.” Cloud leaned forward a little. “And I... want to let things happen so we can find out someday. If that’s okay, that is.”

“It… sounds reasonable.”

He caught Cloud’s smile for the brief moment he had to stare at him before getting pulled back into lying down and being treated to Cloud hiding his face against his neck; wild spikes of blond hair brushing against his jaw and right cheek, though not in a way that would be bothersome. Sephiroth closed his eyes and breathed in that scent of him, needing it to stay still for the time being instead of running away but basking in the unfairness of having even that much, nonetheless.

“Just remember that I don’t want to hold you down,” he whispered against that unruly hair after a while, his voice rough with a tiredness that was unable to take over him properly after his nightmare, even if he’d been comforted and distracted from it, “You don’t seem like the kind of person that would just settle down, even if it is to watch things happen. Especially after travelling around for so long as you did.”

“...Hm?”

“Maybe you should be a delivery man.”

He never assumed Cloud would take those words and consider them as something more than a silly idea, a leftover of his feeling of needing to send him away to somewhere safer than Cloud could possibly be near him. He never thought Cloud would open his mouth, his lips close enough to his skin that Sephiroth could feel them, to tell him that wasn’t a bad idea, actually.

He didn’t expect to find himself unable to sleep afterwards, not because of a terrible dream, but because of the uncertainty of his own future.

* * *

Reeve watched from his seat on the old couch in the room as Yuffie talked to the young girl by the window.

It was strange to think both of them were the same age, especially if one didn’t know the actual story behind the girl’s deceiving looks and overall demeanor, like most shouldn’t know, at least for a good while. Visually nine years old, chronologically nineteen and, much like Vincent, who was in his late fifties but permanently appeared to be in his late twenties instead, in a situation that wasn’t likely to change much.

Shelke was someone they managed to rescue from Deepground and who had been helping them since she had (somewhat) come to terms with everything. She’d been in the facility for seven long years and thus, held invaluable information about most of it, being able to dig for more if needed through her special abilities, hacking into systems and people alike.

Deepground did to her things that should never be done to a child, other than stopping her aging, and even now she still felt the consequences of that.

Reeve observed with worry as once again she fainted, as once more Vincent came into the room as though he’d been outside just waiting for it to happen all along and took the girl with him so she could “recharge”, Yuffie just a step behind them.

That had long since become a regular occurrence.

They had people looking into Shelke’s situation, in hopes something could be done about her body’s dependence on mako, at the very least. Hers was the opposite of a mako poisoning case: the excess of it didn’t kill her or render her comatose. Instead it allowed her to live, or rather, survive. Needless to say, it was complicated.

He wondered if that was the reason why Cloud had yet to say anything about the  _ other _ messy situation, the way things were so complicated like that, requiring adaptation before a new element could be introduced into it. Wondered about when Cloud would contact them to update everyone on that one big change.

Reeve was pulled out of his musings by Barret, who brought in news of Tifa’s findings in Nibelheim, which naturally regarded Sephiroth due to their nature and original creator. In fact, it regarded him in such a personal level that if Cloud didn’t contact them by the time Tifa returned, they would have to do so. Or, as Tifa herself put it over the phone through her shaky voice and audible sobs, which had both of them worried about the actual content of the material, _ “Just... call Cloud already and see if that idiot woke up.” _

It was the intensity of it that had Reeve finding himself dialing Cloud's number right after that call, pretending to know nothing in the weird silence that fell. While he waited, both Vincent and Yuffie returned.

“I leave for five minutes,” she said, “and something happens? Really?”

But none of them answered her, the next word Reeve spoke being directed to the familiar voice on the other side of the line.


	23. To Kalm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone agrees it's a good idea to meet up in Kalm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also in which your local author uses muse, loses muse, acquires writer block and has to punch the writer block in the face.
> 
> I don't know if blocks have faces.
> 
> But hey, it's an update, I guess!

Aboard the  _ Highwind _ once again, Tifa watched the clouds outside with a certain sense of detachment, her mind going through a dozen things at once and overwhelming her with the weight of those thoughts; with the sound of Lucrecia’s voice and everything that she said in those recordings, about Sephiroth and the despair that came with unfulfillment and a frightening knowledge. Her hands were tight on the railings as she stood there, unable to care about the gentle winds due to things that wouldn't leave her alone ever since she uncovered them.

She caught herself in the frustration of being unable to rewind time, just so she could go to the manor and make those materials more accessible. She thought more than once about their hidden (not  _ that _ difficult to find, but still) nature as a means of keeping those things away from Hojo’s dangerous hands, away from their possible destruction. Not that it diminished her wish to punch someone regarding the fact that the very protection those materials obtained was also the reason why their intent failed, lost to time as everything that shouldn’t take place simply happened anyway.

_ Aerith could have lived. There wouldn’t be the need of summoning Holy or putting her life in risk. She would live and would be happy now. She would— _

Tifa’s initial thought upon finding the materials was to run all the way back to Cosmo Canyon and punch Sephiroth, no matter whether he was awake or not, for not finding those things himself when he was in that damned mansion. She wanted to put the blame of all that happened on someone just so she had somewhere to direct her sorrow. But as the distance between Nibelheim and Cosmo Canyon made it basically impractical to get there as fast as she wanted to without an airship, she had time to think better about everything.

There was no forgiving all those terrible things that happened in the past but she couldn’t blame Sephiroth for not finding those things earlier. Given what he did, he couldn’t have been in a good state of mind. It’d be easy for him to overlook something like that. Or yet, for the recordings to be useless, anyway.

Slowly, since Cloud left for Cosmo Canyon, she’d been fully coming to terms with the fact it’d be easier to welcome Sephiroth into their group as a new ally if he ever came back to his senses than to make an enemy out of him again, possibly leaving him to his own devices once more, leaving him to endanger himself and perhaps others. Even if it made her feel all hesitant and frustrated from time to time.

Cloud looked tired and worried when she last saw him, but it’d been his choice to take care of Sephiroth, as much as it’d been his choice not to simply walk away when he had the chance. It wasn’t exactly about forgiving the man, he had told her when Tifa visited, it was more about moving on and keeping even more pain from coming their way.

And if moving on meant Cloud would be happy, then maybe—

“Here you are!” A voice pulled her out of her musings, no one other than Cid, “Still cryin’?”

“Not anymore.” She shook her head. “I was just thinking. About getting everyone together and stuff for  _ that. _ ”

_ “If he’s awake and  _ really _ sane,” she said, her voice still ragged from crying, “we have to get everyone together. It's not just about what I found… it’s also about how we’ll deal with this, uh, whole new thing.” _

_ “I’ll call Cloud, don’t worry,” Reeve tried to assure her, “Just rest for now, alright? We’ll talk more when you return.” _

(She hadn't been able to rest much.)

“'Bout that. Shouldn't we stop by and check instead? We can still turn around.”

Tifa shook her head.

“I don't want to rush things if Sephiroth just woke up.”

Actually, she wasn't ready to see an exhausted Cloud again if it was the case, as the sight pulled on her heartstrings, made her feel helpless in not being able to do much. Better have him rest a little. Besides, the others were likely busy enough back in Midgar that a meeting couldn't be held immediately, anyway.

“If you say so…” Cid agreed, a little reluctant. “I’ll head back inside then. I think that little shit piloting could use a break.”

Tifa didn't do much other than nod, trying to contain a part of herself which practically screamed with anxiety about the whole situation.

The journey back felt as if it’d take longer than it was supposed to take.

* * *

“Let’s meet up in Kalm, then,” he heard Cloud saying to the person on the other side of the line — a former Shinra employee who happened to join his group of misfits during that long journey, somehow — and a wave of anxiety hit him, leaving him feeling a little dizzy with the implication lying underneath such words.

The last time he’d seen and interacted with any Avalanche members who happened to be alive and who weren’t Cloud, he was still firm on the concept of sailing the cosmos by some otherworldly suggestion as a good idea. He’d taken just too much away from them for any attempt of meeting and talking to feel entirely comfortable. The sight of his person alone would be enough to bring up bad memories, that much he was aware of.

He wanted to tell Cloud he wasn’t ready for that, though he knew it was impractical to delay things. It was meant to happen eventually, so the earlier they’d get it done with, the better. But still…

“It’ll be okay,” Cloud said in an attempt to soothe him upon noticing him hiding under the combination of blankets and the shawl; under those wings which only served for him to wonder what Angeal and Genesis would say about his present situation. Probably something about rebuilding honor, laced with poetry. Maybe Loveless, of which they had a copy in the room that had Sephiroth feeling conflicted since he first noticed it; he remembered so much of it that he didn’t want anything to do with it ever again, but at the same time he longed to hear a certain, familiar voice reciting it. A voice he most likely wouldn’t hear ever again.

“Will it, really?” He caught himself thinking aloud.

Cloud simply nodded without thinking twice.

“Things usually work out when you doubt they will.”

Sephiroth wasn’t quite sure what that was really supposed to mean, but kept thinking about the strange, positive energy those words carried. Maybe it’d help him keep some peace of mind during the trip to the other continent.

* * *

Kalm was almost the embodiment of its namesake; a quiet town somewhat away from the mess that happened to be Midgar. Rumor had it that its night attractions were rather lacking, which made it an ideal place to open a bar and thus, was on Tifa’s list of places she could end up settling down in, one day.

For the moment, however, the inn seemed much more appealing, for it held Cloud… and Sephiroth, along with much to discuss, but mostly Cloud, who was always missed as a friend and leader whenever he stayed away for long, no matter what reason.

Tifa had, due to her schedule, arrived earlier than the others. There was even a chance she was there earlier than Cloud and Sephiroth themselves, though she hoped it wasn’t the case. It really wouldn’t do her any good to be alone in the inn with nothing but her thoughts for company until everyone else arrived.

Luckily for her, once she asked about Cloud, the innkeeper excused herself to call the room, eventually turning to Tifa to inform her that yes, she could head to the room, but that she should just walk in and avoid knocking on the door.

Maybe, she thought, as Sephiroth’s awakening was a recent thing and with the long trip across continents, he could be asleep. Well, it’d give her time to talk to Cloud for a bit before everyone else’s arrival. She supposed it was a good, maybe lucky, thing.

However, as soon as she opened the door, she froze in place out of an old habit, her eyes meeting the mako green ones from a certain person sitting on one of the beds.


	24. An Awkward Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tifa promises some good punching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't intend for this to become a chapter of its own? But I guess it sort of happened. Whoops. Or not whoops, because even if it's quite close to an end, I'm not quite ready to see it go ´v´)"

Sephiroth looked away first, the fall of his bangs obscuring most of his face as he did. There was only so long he could stare at her after everything. Only so long he could bear to imagine the despair he put her through, in some manner or another, without complicated thoughts arising to eat him away.

He worried at the tip of his braid, where it was tied with a pink ribbon. Cloud had explained its function when he was asked about it but, even though Aerith had a hand in his return and supported it, he felt strange about having something like that on his very person; it bore a feeling of constant wrongness, though he was aware that such an emotion simply spoke clearly about his various regrets.

The sound of her footsteps drawing in closer had Sephiroth wanting to crawl under the blankets with Cloud to hide, to anchor himself as to avoid drifting away and accidentally causing others even more pain. It only proved to him how he really wasn't ready for any of this.

“Miss Lockhart,” he greeted anyway, no matter how off his own voice sounded to himself.

Sephiroth couldn’t bear to say her name, for it was a town in flames and a teenage girl picking up the Masamune, despite its weight and length, intent on avenging the death of her father. For it was the call of an otherworldly being clouding his judgement and striking her down, for it was what he couldn’t forget no matter what happened to his mind.

So Lockhart it’d be, for the time being, at least. It worked just fine, sounded funny, even.

Tifa gave him an answering hum, finding the politeness to be rather disconcerting, herself, though giving in to the fact it was probably better that way. It allowed her to keep her distance while navigating this new set of waters, so strange that it distracted her enough for her not to notice the sleeping Cloud at a first glance.

He held one of Sephiroth’s hands between his own, his breathing even and his features relaxed.

_ Cute, _ she’d think as she sat down on the other bed, if not for the obvious, white elephant in the room, with his politeness and downcast eyes, who quickly tried to explain the situation when he noticed her focus on her friend.

“He… had to take some medicine for motion sickness on our way here. It made him drowsy, but he refused to rest until we reached an inn, so once we did…”

“He fell asleep holding your hand,” she concluded, trying not to speculate much for the time being.

“Yes. I didn’t— I don’t want to wake him up. The whole travel he was worried about people recognizing me and possibly panicking. It must have been really stressful.”

“Hm.”

An awkward silence fell between them, as the lack — or maybe excess — of things to say grew, along with their natural tendency to lock far too many of their thoughts inside for as long as they could. Tifa began to play with a strand of dark hair in an attempt to avoid it.

“You cut your hair,” Sephiroth noticed, “It looks good.”

“I… I kinda wanted to feel refreshed after, well, everything. Thank you.” She stared at her feet, nervously. “Yours is in a braid. It looks…”  _ Less threatening _ “...Cute.”

Tifa looked up just in time to catch him blushing.

“Cloud did it,” he just said, not knowing what to do with the compliment, falling back into silence for a very agonizing moment. “I… I must apologize.” That was a tone Tifa came to associate with both Lucrecia and Vincent, but especially Lucrecia and mostly after watching the recordings she found back in Nibelheim. “I’m aware that everything that happened while I was associated with Je—  _ her _ and  _ her _ plan is, and will always be, unforgiving. But I must say it, regardless. I’d gladly give away my life if that would give back everything I’ve taken away from all of you, from this Planet. I’m sorry. If I ever give away signs that I’m to become that sort of individual again, then please—”

“Fuck, you sound just like your mother. It’s gonna make me cry again. If you make me cry, I’ll punch you,” Tifa promised, even though she was biting back tears already. She just had too many emotional things to deal with recently, she told herself. The orphans, the thing with Deepground, seeing Cloud so tired, finding Lucrecia’s videos… She was tired. She wanted to run away to Costa del Sol and steal Cloud’s villa for herself. “If you try to hurt anyone like you did before, I’ll punch you!”

Sephiroth quickly nodded but was just as fast to gesture for her to keep her voice down. Both of them watched Cloud twitch, pulling the hand he was holding closer to his face.

“...Sorry,” she said. “Anyway, speaking of your mother — actual mother, not that… abomination — You need to know. I… I went back to Nibelheim and I found… well, something.”

“Something.”

“Mhmm. She left you and Vincent a couple videos. She… Gaia, how do I say this? She had visions because of… you know,  _ that thing. _ She knew what you’d do in the future, but because of the influence Hojo had inside Shinra and because she was trying to bring Vincent back to life, she thought… She thought she couldn't do anything to stop it, so she just…” Tifa stared down at the floor, trying not to remember the words and failing to do so.

_ I’m sorry I’m not worth of being your mother. I’m really, really sorry I won’t be here to tell you how strong and handsome you’ll become. I… I… I did something I can't take back. I don't want forgiveness for it, I just… _

_ I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to hurt anyone, so please… if you’re watching this... Even if I’m a terrible mother, even if I’m not going to be here long enough to meet you… Don't think of the monster in your head as your mother. She’ll try to make you believe and if you do, you’ll do such... t-terrible things… _

_ Please… I’m so sorry… _

“Miss Lockhart?” Sephiroth called, noticing the way she got very quiet with tears going down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I just…” She tried to wipe her eyes with the back of her hands. “It’s really sad and I think it might be quite heavy… She basically left you a goodbye note, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh…” He knew very well what that meant.

“Yeah… Well, if you feel like it’d be fine for you to watch that you can watch it later, I guess…”

“I can watch it with you,” a third voice suggested, pulling all attention to Cloud. “Hi, Tifa.”

Sephiroth couldn’t help the fond smile, despite the nature of what they’ve been discussing right before that. “How long have you been awake?”

Cloud just shrugged.

“Long enough. I caught you two bonding over hair.”

Tifa was the one who looked away, all embarrassed. Sephiroth didn’t even make an attempt to hide anything, already knowing that Cloud would notice it regardless. He simply cleared his throat to say “I take you’re feeling better?”

“Next to you, why wouldn’t I?”

Sephiroth tried very hard to pretend he didn’t notice Tifa’s eyebrows going up with that, along with the fact he wasn’t really sure what to say to that.

“Cloud, we have company,” he decided, trying to understand why that made him so nervous.

The only reply he got to that was a quiet chuckle and a kiss on the cheek before Cloud was dashing off, under the excuse that he’d heard Yuffie’s voice. The others had probably arrived, then.

That left both him and a certain Tifa Lockhart in the room by themselves, the latter being quick to cross her arms over her chest and ask about the a specific, lingering implication.

“So… you two are dating. Is that right?”

“We… I don’t know. It’s complicated. We talked and he—” He tried to explain but got interrupted.

“If you make him cry, I’ll hunt you down and I’ll  _ hurt _ you.  _ Badly.” _

And with that, she simply left to wash her face.

Sephiroth assumed he’d be receiving some other, similar threats that day.


	25. A Cetra's Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some sweet Avalanche time takes place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to edit this chapter so we go into it unedit and with bravery. I hope it's not too odd to read? Haha.

He listened intently to the sounds as they approached the room, while staring distractedly at the bags he and Cloud brought along with them after leaving Cosmo Canyon; not that much clothing, but enough to be comfortable. Those took a little space out of the third bed in the room, away from the door that would open at any moment then. His shawl was folded neatly near those, along with a certain, charging Cait Sith.

“Yeah, he’s really okay,” he caught Cloud saying outside, “I mean, not _okay_ because he’s dealing with everything that happened, but you get what I mean.”

_Safe to be interacted with._

Someone yelled about that not making much sense, in a rather crass way, to which Cloud just laughed and concluded it’d make more sense after they all talked. The sound of his voice like that had something inside Sephiroth fluttering gently.

Tifa chose that moment to reappear from the bathroom.

“Well, it’s time… I guess,” she just said and sat down on one of the beds, doing her best to avoid as much eye contact as possible. He couldn't really blame her when he couldn't bring himself to make much eye contact without feeling weird, either, focusing on anything else — Cloud's warm and familiar voice among the others’ outside, footsteps, shifting around — just so he could find some peace of mind to prepare himself.

Sephiroth felt even less ready for it when the door opened, when the very first person he saw was the heiress of Wutai herself.

She turned around to say something to Cloud but was simply told by someone else to “just get in already,” which she did, calling Tifa’s attention for a quick hello but staying as far from him as possible. For her, it was something to tease Cloud a little with a harmless, unconscious Sephiroth around, but it was something else entirely to interact directly.

With each one who followed and took their places in the room, clearly avoiding to sit in the same bed as him, the little reminders of everything Sephiroth took from them seemed to haunt him even more than they usually did.

The fact that two, different colored Cait Siths were having some sort of family reunion on the corner didn’t help much with setting his mind at ease.

A blanket of silence covered all of them completely for a long moment after Cloud sat down by his side, eerie enough that he preferred to stare at his lap than at any of them. He’d never liked big meetings back in Shinra, nor saw the need for his presence in them. He wasn’t a board member, didn’t have much to add that would please said board members and Hojo was present in most of such occasions. They only made him feel overwhelmed. So longer after, away from that company and in the presence of different people, he still felt as though he would rather drown than have to bear the weight.

Cloud put a hand in his shoulder, effectively keeping him from drifting away any further, and assumed the leading role that anyone else in that room refused to pick for their own reasons.

“So, we’re here because Teef found something in the Shinra manor and because I’m now in charge of an oversized, sad ball of feathers.” He gestured at Sephiroth. “Ask me anything.”

That seemed to lift the mood at least a little bit. Just enough for a few of them to try to disguise any sort of laughter, Sephiroth included.

Cid raised his hand to ask, “Does he still have that long ass sword of his?”

“I don’t know. Sephiroth?”

“I…” He hesitated for a few seconds. While he was associated with Jenova, he could summon it out of thin air if it was needed. But Jenova was long gone, so maybe… “I’m not sure. I haven't tried to call for it ever since I woke up.”

“Try,” Cloud suggested, “To clear out any doubts as soon as possible.”

“...Here?”

He got nothing but a nod and some urging for him to stand as a reply.

That made him even more nervous than he already was, even as he took his distance to avoid any possible accident. Enough people had been stabbed by that blade as it was. To increase that number would be to increase his already countless sins.

He caused Masamune to appear with the same ease he had in the past; the weight of it gradually becoming real in his hand. However, once it was there, something quite… peculiar happened to it. Green light washed all over the blade and changed its shape, darkened the metal while coloring the edges a gentle violet and spreading silver details all over. A wing-like shape formed near the hilt, reminding him of Genesis’ beloved weapon.

Something about it felt… _Ancient,_ in the way the Black Materia had felt in his hand.

“What the fuck?” Asked both Cid and Barret at the same time.

“I didn't do anything.” Sephiroth felt like clarifying, somewhat shocked, himself. “I just… summoned it.”

Something in the air carried a slight fragrance of _flowers._

If he didn't know better, he’d doubt what happened, even if it had taken place before his very eyes. He suspected it had something to do with a certain someone handing over a familiar blade to him. Maybe that much was enough to change its very essence, to transform it into something new and to free all of them from the memories associated with its original appearance.

_To make it a Cetra Blade._

He didn’t dare mention that, of course, as he realized that particular flower girl was still a sensitive matter for everyone present.

Cloud stood to take a closer look at it with the expression of someone who’d recognized something about that, even though he wasn’t saying anything out loud other than a comment or another about how the new blade seemed to be stronger than Masamune’s or how it suited his style.

Once Cloud seemed to have enough of it, Sephiroth let the sword fade away from existence once more, leaving nothing but dissipating black feathers in its departure.

“Alright,” Cid said once the two of them were sitting again, “so he still has a long ass sword.”

Tifa chose to ask what everyone was wondering about that.

“I suppose that if we take it from you, you’d be able to summon another one, right?”

Sephiroth nodded, though he seemed a little uncertain about that. He grimaced when realization hit him of why exactly she was drawing that conclusion, of a certain Masamune left behind in the Shinra building. He closed his eyes a little pained by that thought. Granted, President Shinra had been someone vile in life, but many people who worked at that place did so out of other options or due to Shinra painting itself for the masses as a good company. Oh, the things he did while associated with Jenova…

“I don’t intend to repeat any of what you saw of me before,” he said a little quieter than usual, “When I came back to my senses and I could see all I did, before Cloud helped, I… All I wished for was my death. Even now part of me still wants it, as punishment for what I took away. Because I understand my existence after all that happened will be a problematic one for myself and for others. But...”

“You aren’t doing that,” Cloud interrupted, “And you aren’t gonna sleep your life away as some sort of ‘closest solution,’ either.”

Vincent, who initially planned to just listen to the entire thing before offering any thoughts, had something to say when it came to that.

“I tried that. I can’t recommend it.”

“We can’t fully trust you just yet,” said Reeve through Cait Sith, “But I don’t think any of us would sit back and watch if that’s how you feel. If Cloud accepts you and if he nursed you back to health willingly, you count as Avalanche. I guess. So we’ll help.”

The entire room fell quiet, processing that. Well, it wasn’t exactly wrong, that. It was just… very unusual. Not that the way the others joined the team was in any way usual to begin with.

“I… thank you. I was going to say that, even if I really wanted to do it, I… I can’t die. The Planet doesn’t accept me because of who I am. It’ll either tear me apart or trap me in my own mind, and I don’t want to go through neither of those things again. So I want to help instead, if I can.”

There was a certain reason why Sephiroth’s eyes ended up on Yuffie as he said that, but it was something he didn’t feel quite ready to talk about with so many eyes on him and so many ideas already popping up among the others about ways he could help without possibly being recognized by anyone who could cause mass panic.

It was a good thing that they were distracted enough not to notice or comment on Cloud gently squeezing his hand and offering him a little smile before calling the others’ attention to the other things they had to discuss.


	26. Defiance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which plans are made and things are watched.

Sephiroth learned that there was more than just the videos left behind. There was research, lots of it, and with it hope for a certain group of people that had been experimented upon by Shinra, at least for the ones that remained sane.

He had intel to contribute on how exactly the old Science department in Shinra used to operate, which turned into him telling some things of importance about his life back in those days, about growing up more as a science project than a child. It surely was a hard topic for everyone in the room for various reasons, but it put certain events on a new light that was much needed.

Nanaki found out that they could bond over their experience in the labs, even if those differed from one another. But of course, because of the history Avalanche had with Sephiroth, the distrust was still there, clear as daylight and likely to remain like so for quite a while; it was in the distance, the way how there wasn't really a true opening.

It was in the way how Barret said, firm but not rude, that Sephiroth wasn’t going to get anywhere near Marlene or any kids they were taking care of until they all had decided he wasn't going to stab them one day once they turned away or kidnap the children for some possibly evil plan. In the lack of the physical presence of Reeve, he threw a side glance at Cait Sith instead after saying that.

Sephiroth didn’t dare ask any details about that.

They’d come around eventually in a way or another, Cloud whispered. It was going to be alright.

Cloud told them that he intended to rent a place for the time being, to stay nearby; both to help them as well and for them to at least get used to Sephiroth being around in a non-threatening fashion. It was a decision that greatly pleased everyone, despite any personal issues regarding that matter.

And with all major topics out of the way, the Cait Sith who accompanied the party pulled a laptop out of its large moogle, ready to hand it over to them once it felt appropriate to do it, so they could possibly watch a certain video. The right moment was once everyone else had left the room, which was to happen soon with the way people started excusing themselves.

Yuffie seemed… hesitant, as though she still had pendencies left unsolved. Sephiroth called after her.

“Your Highness.”

She stopped dead in her tracks. A few others near her on the way out stopped as well, seemingly intent on lingering, either to know more or to prevent a small war from taking place in that room. Something, whether it’d been an expression or a mouthed word, quickly sent them off on their way. When Yuffie turned around, she closed the door behind her.

“You. Don’t call me that, you big jerk,” she said, angered, “Not after what you did. You and Shinra ruined Wutai; we don’t use these titles there anymore.”

Part of him wanted to defend at least the men who had been under his command at the time. They were all following orders and Wutai just so happened to be the enemy. He’d been raised to follow Shinra’s every instruction on top of that. But he knew very well that given the right conditions, if only he hadn't been so locked into that system, he could’ve turned traitorous, could’ve brought an entire army against the very company he’d worked for. Attempting to bring that up wouldn't be wise, at least for the moment.

He wanted to pay for those mistakes.

“I see. And I’m aware that’s something I can't take back, the damage I took part in inflicting.” He paused with a quiet hum, thinking to himself about what Cloud would possibly say in that case. The apologies lingered endlessly on the tip of his tongue, ready to escape his lips at a moment's notice, but he knew they wouldn't achieve much if anything at all. There was no forgiving what he did back in those days; there could be only coming to terms with all of it, even if took an eternity to do so — Which he had available to him. “So I’d understand if offering my blade in service of your nation, for the best interest of restoring it to what it was before Shinra, is unwanted—”

Cloud ducked his head to hide a smile, sort of knowing what he was trying to do and feeling it working in her reply. It was oddly entertaining to witness, even if it could be worrying.

“What. Wait, hold on. You  _ really _ want to do that?”

“I said earlier I wanted to help, did I not?” He tilted his head to a side, almost innocently.

“Yeah, but I thought we didn't want you to get recognized and cause a mess? You’d be killed on sight just stepping in there.”

“Hn. I don’t have to be inside Wutai to master as much materia as possible.”

Despite everything that had happened, Sephiroth caught a little sparkle of…  _ something _ in her expression as he suggested that. He also felt Cloud’s hand on his arm, and turned to see a hint of concern on his face, to listen to a whispered “Don’t encourage her.”

“I would need to keep a close eye on you as you do it, y’know… quality checking and all that,” she said, trying not to be so obvious about it, “So call me when you're ready.”

And with that, she made her exit, as quickly as expected. The concern practically oozing out of Cloud, along with the sympathetic looks, told him he would be in for a ride. Not that he regretted it, though. It was worth any possible pain. If anything, it couldn't hurt worse than being torn apart by the Lifestream. Nothing ever could be worse than that. Besides, it could be a good distraction. He always needed those.

“How are you feeling?” Cloud ended up asking as he received the laptop from Cait Sith, setting it down on his lap. The little cat left the room along his “sibling” afterwards, to give them more privacy.

Sephiroth just looked at him for a moment, taking in the feeling of not being ready once again, wanting to see that video very badly, yet unsure if he’d be able to watch it comfortably to the end. It wasn't that he couldn't stop watching at any point if he needed to; it was the anxiety taking over him more than anything.

“Just a little overwhelmed. It’s been quite a while since I’ve had any sort of meeting with this many people. While not looking forward to traveling through the cosmos, I should add.” He felt Cloud’s hand take his but couldn't seem to focus on it as much as he wished to. “How do you even do it? Bond with this many people?” It was something he wondered about Zack and Angeal as well. But Cloud… he seemed a bit more like him than the other two at times. He enjoyed the quiet; kept things to himself until it was a bit too much to handle.  _ Hn. _

“Well… I guess we all stayed together because we had a common enemy. Or two,” he explained, a hint of a smile very clear within his words, “Then, it just… kinda happened. Even if some of us just put up with each other for the sake of the fight, we all had one person or two in common that we cared about. ”

Sephiroth knew that there was at least one person all of them really cared about. Someone who wasn't there anymore because of him. It was his fault, he thought again, promptly opening his mouth to apologize for that, but being cut short by Cloud.

“Don’t,” he warned, “It’s something we can’t undo, remember? And I don’t think she would like to have us moping around because of her. Also… I care a whole lot about you, too.”

“Just as I do about you,” Sephiroth said with a nod, still trying to convince himself that things would truly be alright if they kept going down that path. The way Cloud blushed helped a little with that; somewhat surprised, his eyes quickly darting off to the laptop.

“So, uh… About that video…”

_ The video,  _ which had an easy shortcut to save them the trouble of searching through folders, apparently. Just a step away, so he shouldn’t delay it any further. But Gaia, he  _ really _ didn’t feel as ready for it as he wished to be… All of it felt a bit too surreal; a message from the mother he always sought… his actual mother...

“Keep holding my hand while we watch it. Please. I… need to feel grounded.”

“I won’t let go,” Cloud promised.

“Thank you.”

* * *

In the end, he made through it. Granted, he needed to have it paused a few moments, feeling a knot deep inside once she began to talk (and apologize, a lot) about the project she and Hojo were involved in that resulted in his creation, feeling that discomfort come and go as much as he could see her composure doing the same.

She was begging the Planet, with tears going down her cheeks, to allow him to find that one and last message before all those terrible things could happen. Sephiroth felt somewhat ill that he’d been unable to do so, and seeing how much he could relate to her logic behind… wanting to  _ leave, _ let him feeling something he didn’t quite understand.

“I… don’t feel very well,” he said quietly once it was over, once Lucrecia reached forward to turn the camera off. He’d caught a glimpse of something on the table where she’d placed it, something that reminded him of those guns Shinra provided to the Turks.  _ Was it there for…? _

Sephiroth didn’t want to think about it, but his mind was going places.

Watching Cloud set the laptop aside felt strange, almost as though it wasn’t really happening before his eyes; every motion so distant, yet so fast. When Cloud turned and reached out to touch his cheek, his fingertips felt warmer than usual against his skin.

“I never met her, not really…” He caught himself nearly whispering the words, “But I feel… I feel this closeness…”

“It makes your heart feel tighter, doesn’t it?”

Sephiroth couldn’t help but nod, wondering for a moment how different things would be if he’d had the chance of growing up with his mother’s presence. His rational side was quick to remind him that, had she gotten to escape with him, the two of them would’ve been fugitives for as long as Shinra and Hojo cared. It still sounded better than growing up in the labs, but it sounded so uncertain… almost as though he wouldn’t have been truly happy as a child either way.

Maybe he wasn’t even meant to. Maybe he was defying fate itself whenever he smiled.

Then again, he had the one who was basically the embodiment of defiance within an arm’s reach, and even closer than that a couple seconds after, as Cloud pulled him into a comforting embrace. He felt Cloud’s hands running over his back gently, trying to ease his pain, his sorrow for everything he couldn’t have, and heard that all too familiar voice whispering his name, intending to say something but being interrupted by a sudden remembrance.

“My mother can’t die.” Aerith had told him that much when he was still stuck in his own mind, almost casually.

“I was gonna say that. We found her a while back. She was…” Cloud sighed “She was definitely not well, but we couldn’t do much for her. Vincent said she’d locked herself within a crystal when he went back there. And oh, she asked about you.”

“What did you tell her?”

“We told her you were dead.” Cloud hugged him just a little tighter. “Sorry.”

Well, he supposed that had been a better option at the time than saying that he was hanging out with a Planet devourer alien and trying to cast the most dangerous spell in existence for the mere possibility of traveling through the stars and beyond with said alien. He had sort of died once, anyway, all the way back in Nibelheim. Granted, the Lifestream behaved differently at that time; it didn’t try to take him apart the way it had more recently, at least from what he could remember, but it didn’t allow him to join with it, either. But even though it allowed him to remain in his corner, it still counted as dying… Well,  _ maybe. _

“It’s fine,” Sephiroth said, “I put you through the trouble of having to say that, anyway. My apologies.”

“It wasn’t like you knew we’d end up meeting her, though. But well… I could take you to see her once we have a place to crash in that’s not an inn room. If you want to?”

Cloud realized it was a bit silly to even ask, as Sephiroth backed away from him just to thank him properly for that offer, to cover his face with kisses and to apologize for kissing him too much, only to have his breath stolen away quite unapologetically.


	27. Moving Towards A New Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which life flows forward after everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we've reached the final chapter of this ; W ; *big, ugly sobbing*
> 
> I want to offer a big thank you for everyone who read this and commented, in a way or another. The extra boost of energy from that helped a lot during the ride.
> 
> Also a special thank you to my RP partner for being very supportive of this fic. Couldn't have done it without you ; v ; <3 (By the way, if you're reading this I might've fished a certain scene out of a certain old RP and adapted it to fit in this 'verse ;3)
> 
> Anyway, this last chapter's a lot longer than I originally expected? And there might be quite a few time skips here and there. I hope it's enjoyable, regardless, so let's get to it! See you all in the notes at the end and in the comments!

It had taken them a good few months before they were able to do anything of their own again, which naturally included seeing Lucrecia.

There just wasn’t a moment of peace after that storm. One moment they had relaxed after the initial meeting, the other they were immediately included in the planning and rebuilding efforts after Meteor, after Deepground and everything else that took place in their shared absence. As Sephiroth wanted to help despite not being yet in proper shape to take care of the heavy lifting, Reeve had stolen him away as a tactical consultant of sorts. Midgar’s structure was overall beyond repair and the new city — Edge — would have to be a better place to live than that.

For better or worse, Sephiroth had taken part in a war on the winning side. He knew what vulnerabilities of a city one would want to exploit, first hand. Besides, not only it meant he’d be mostly inside and wouldn’t be recognized so easily, it was also better to work in a little team like that. Vincent dropped by from time to time, as did Cloud. The Cait Siths reported back constantly. The others showed up when it was necessary to. It was somewhat awkward a lot of times and required plenty of getting used to the situation between apologies here and there, but it worked. Gaia, it  _ really _ worked.

It kept Sephiroth away from Midgar, kept him from taking notice of the damage left there while in his still complicated state of mind.

Until, of course, came the day when he found out Cloud had been working on a personal project in between helping with building, savaging anything of useful and the remaining little free time they had.

A motorcycle. A  _ hell _ of a motorcycle.

He caught Cloud straddling it, apparently comfortable while adjusting something. His mind went to several different places at once, some of them yet unexplored. He wanted to see it working. Wanted to hear its noises filling the air, he wanted to… He wanted to see it vibrating gently between Cloud’s legs, which was quite an interesting thought. It offered him a realization he’d have to think further about later.

And it offered him several other realizations to consider once Cloud took notice of his presence and had to show him the sword compartments it had.  _ Sword compartments.  _ As it turned out, Cloud had made a sword as well, intending on retiring the Buster Sword because of the memories it carried. A sword that could split into six others, something completely new to him even after so many years of using a sword and being around sword users. Looking at it made him want to spar with Cloud just to see how he would wield it.

“Maybe I’ll be a delivery man,” Cloud said, followed by a shrug, “So I gotta make sure I’ll be safe if something tries to mess with me.”

Sephiroth bit back a chuckle.

“And what if I want to mess with you?” He suggested, his voice low enough that Cloud shifted a bit.

“Well, it depends. In which way?”

“One that may require us to go back to our room.”

Watching the realization sink into Cloud had him feeling very much  _ alive. _ At least way more than he usually felt.

“Wait. You sure?”

_ “Absolutely.” _

There was a split moment of stunning silence before Cloud took his hand and started guiding him the way back, unable to say anything else until they got there. And definitely unable to say much else once they were busy with one another; all touches, movement and heat.

And it was that day, safe under the covers, with his wing draped over Cloud’s sleeping form, that Sephiroth realized he needed to go to Midgar; to face the result of what he did and start dealing with how it affected him.

* * *

A great part of Midgar was in ruins, just as he expected it to be.

Some lucky buildings still stood proudly against all the adversity that took place. One of those was a church, that Sephiroth knew whose flowers it housed. He avoided even mentioning it all the time they were there, let alone getting anywhere near it. He was still trying to deal with the complications that sort of thing brought him and bringing in even more food for thought would certainly overwhelm him, he felt.

It was already surreal enough to walk through what remained of the city as it was, even with Cloud’s hand in his to anchor him.

It was the place he used to always return to out of obligation, out of having nowhere else to be. It was much like a cage, but all bent and torn, no birds left inside to sing of its story. He wasn’t bound to it any longer, nor to Shinra or Jenova. In a way, he felt refreshed. Still unsure of the things that would come next and very troubled by the implication that many people probably died when Meteor fell, but somewhat lighter.

Maybe it was for the best, despite the terrible parts of it. Edge would rise and life would begin anew.

_ It’d be okay. _

* * *

Midgar had been nothing compared to the cave he stood in with Cloud, a couple weeks later; crystals of mako glowing on the rocky walls, on the ground and away from their reach, across the place. A large pond in the center reflected the soft light, making it so that one couldn't miss her figure within the largest crystal in there.

She still looked young and somewhat peaceful with her eyes closed, but Sephiroth knew better. His mother was there because that was the only solution to her problem she could see, doing her best to be as close as possible to a death she couldn't have.

Something about the situation reminded him of Jenova, who had been immobile waiting for him, as well. He stopped near the edge of the water, hesitating; wondering just how she would answer him in her state of being, but calling out to her, anyway.

“...Mother?”

“Sephiroth…? My child... is that you?” Her voice emanated from the crystal and seemed to fill the cave, while her lips remained sealed and her body in its everlasting sleep. She sounded as though she yearned for a chance to reach out, while unable to do so.

“Yes. I… realize I’m late by a few years. I… failed to find your video in time. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be... All that matters is that you’re alive and alright. I’m the one… who should apologize… for everything.”

“I can’t say I’m exactly alright…” He couldn’t help but say. Despite all the healthy distractions he’d found and all the comfort offered to him, the thoughts were still there to haunt him; the knowledge of what happened because of him still lingered and the nightmares would still come to steal him away from sleep on random nights.

_ Her _ shadow was still there, as an intrusive, practically suffocating memory of a red eye and messed up limbs.

Some days, while Cloud was busy and he could have a break to himself, Sephiroth found himself wandering back to Midgar in secrecy and, after having worked the courage to do so, spending time in the church by tending to the flowers there as though it was his duty to do so, as if doing so would pay back even if just a little of what he owed the owner of that garden.

It helped and destroyed him at the same time.

“Oh? Does... Jenova still confuse you?”

“Not anymore. She’s been destroyed, actually, but I’m having trouble… dealing with some of the things I did.”

“Oh… I’m so sorry,” she just said, without a need of asking for details on that. She had seen it, anyway, or at least a part; the fire, the dead lying all around and her son walking away from it without a hint of remorse on his face. It couldn’t be an easy thing to come to terms with, that.

“That’s the reason why,” Cloud said, “we had to say he was dead. It seemed a lot kinder than saying he was up to, uh... some terrible things.”

“Technically, I was dead for a few moments. But the Planet won’t let me join the Lifestream.”

“Maybe it's for the best,” Lucrecia concluded, “You have Cloud now, and your father’s still around, so at least you won’t end up like me.”

There was an odd pause with that. Sephiroth exchanged a look with Cloud, both confused and intrigued about her statement.

_ His father… _

“But, mother, I don't know who my father is.”

She fell silent for so long that they both believed with deep worry that she was gone, before she spoke again.

“I… must have forgotten to mention it… In the video, I mean. I’m sorry.” What if she’d managed to die? Would he be ignorant of the truth because of yet another mistake of hers? The thought of it plagued her very core. “I’m so sorry… it’s Vincent. I… I could never tell him, not with Hojo around. But I should have… Even if he couldn't do anything to change it… it was still his right, to know… I’m sorry.”

“I’ll... let him know,” Sephiroth promised, somewhat taken aback by the fact he'd been interacting with Vincent for quite a while then, without knowing about that. His only living relative… Or at least only in the sense one would expect of being  _ alive. _ His mother's situation was… complicated.

“You have… his lips,” said Lucrecia, growing distant, maybe a little nostalgic, “And his chin. And oh, his cheekbones. You’ve grown so much… I’m… I’m so happy… That I could talk to you… Even if I couldn’t see you grow…”

“Mother...”

“I feel… lighter, somehow. It’s as if… I might drift away. But… it’s alright, isn’t it?” She hesitated a little at that, always worrying even when things seemed more or less well. After all, with Science she’d learned that when things seemed to be the happiest, people would get careless and unstable specimens would try to breach containment, probably succeeding at doing so, or something. However, she felt something bigger than her worries as well, and that was definitely a good thing. “You’re not alone anymore. You can be happy… with Cloud… I hope you’re able to become… very happy...”

Sephiroth watched, along with Cloud, as thin streams of green light gently left the crystal and twirled slowly in the air until they finally faded into nothingness.

“She is… gone,” he told Cloud, as the realization hit him. He knew it was probably for the best, that her complicated state likely brought her even more suffering, but even so, the thought of her sudden departure shattered his heart.

He stood there, staring at the crystal which could contain her body but not her spirit, and yet not quite looking at it. It didn't feel real. Maybe he’d wake up to find out they were still aboard Cid’s airship, close to their destination but not ready to land, to bring out the chocobos they needed to reach the cave.

“Hey,” Cloud called, moving in front of him in an attempt to block some of his shock and reaching out a hand to touch his cheek.

Sephiroth covered that hand with one of his own, holding it in place just so he could have some sort of anchor to keep himself from falling apart. He closed his eyes with a sigh and the fear that, if it wasn't for Cloud’s presence there, he’d very likely break down.

Cloud, who gave him time to gather his thoughts and return from the dangerous place he’d almost drifted off to.

_ His Cloud. _

He was far too close to tears when he opened his eyes again.

“I… want to go home.” His voice sounded a little quiet, the lump that formed in his throat trying to keep his words inside.

“Let’s go, then. I can get you that cake you like so much on the way back. Maybe I can play with your hair?”

“I don’t deserve you,” Sephiroth whispered with a nervous smile.

“Well, too bad. You got me already. There's no gettin’ offa this train we’re on.”

His laugh to that came out quite sad and a little strained, but he couldn't help but think that his mother was probably right about Cloud.

* * *

Cloud entered the Seventh Heaven to find little to no movement. Sat by the counter were two figures; a man wearing a tattered red cape and a young looking girl whose hair matched it quite well in color. A pupil and her mentor, who mostly kept to themselves anywhere they went, the bar being no exception.

Vincent nodded in acknowledgement when Cloud approached, while Shelke offered him a brief glance, a bit too focused on her smoothie for the moment. He waved in return.

The two of them were a common sight in that place after their work hours, ever since they found a way to treat her mako issue. On rare occasions, they had Reeve or Cid along with them, though that was becoming a more regular occurrence as Edge established itself further, in a place not so far away from what remained of Midgar after everything.

Behind the counter, on the wall, there was a picture of their whole group reunited during that rough restart, when Reeve officially founded his own company — the World Regenesis Organization — and work  _ truly _ began on permanently moving away from the era of mako reactors and Shinra’s supremacy.

Cloud always couldn't help but look at it, taking in the tired, but hopeful looks of his friends; the pleasing way they had organized themselves for that picture by height so no one would get blocked by anyone, the way Sephiroth had a hand on his shoulder, always longing for some sort of closeness.

After a week and a half away because of a delivery, Cloud also couldn't help but miss him, almost desperately.

That was the main reason why he had gone to the bar; Sephiroth had therapy that day and it was usual of him to want to hang around people he was familiar with afterwards, especially Vincent, who had been a bit shocked at first regarding the fact they were related, but who was slowly and awkwardly navigating through the vast sea of fatherhood.

Except for the fact that, well, Sephiroth wasn’t there.

“Hey, Teef,” Cloud called and she quickly turned around from where she was, putting some order to her various bottles, “Did Seph come by?”

“Yeah, he helped me with cleaning and said he was gonna, uh, spread his wing for a bit.”

“Oh…”

“He looked alright, if you’re worried. Just a little sentimental. You know how it is.” Yes, Cloud knew it  _ very well. _ “Did your delivery go well?”

He nodded, wordlessly, having no details to give about it, finding it awkward to mention much about it. Elmyra had been pleased and that was all that really mattered in the end.

“I saw Sephiroth flying towards Midgar when we got off work,” Shelke ended up mentioning, an implicit  _ You should go find him _ lingering in the air, left unsaid.

“Oh? Thanks. I’ll be off, then.”

“Safe travels,” Tifa said.

* * *

There was a single place of interest in what remained of Midgar, and Cloud wasn’t really surprised to find a few, stray black feathers on the steps before those great old doors. Or the figure inside the church, dressed in the black kimono Yuffie had given him once, but with leather pants and boots underneath. An oddly pleasing mix of his former self and the new life he was still building.

Half of the kimono was off and hanging by his waist due to the presence of his wing, a sight that Cloud always found to be delightful. He stared for a long moment as Sephiroth ran a hand over the guard of the old Buster Sword that Cloud had left there before going away on his work trip. His other hand held a watering can. The Cetra Blade rested on one of the pews, easy to miss if it wasn't for the pink ribbon Sephiroth insisted to keep tied on its hilt instead of on his person.

Cloud took a few steps forward, intending to be noticed.

“I didn't think I’d ever see you here,” he said, causing Sephiroth to turn around almost instantly.

“I… have been coming here for a while now, to take care of the flowers. And to… well, cope with a few things.” He looked half shocked that someone other than his therapist found out about his secret and half beaming with joy to see and talk to Cloud again after their time apart from one another.

Surely, they had their phone calls, but that was never enough, would never be enough.

He put down the watering can and, being mindful of the flowers, dashed his way to lift Cloud off the ground with a hug, taking in that familiar scent his boyfriend had that spoke of nothing but  _ home. _

“I missed you,” Sephiroth whispered against his neck, his breathing stealing a sigh out of Cloud, “Gaia, I missed you  _ so much.” _

“I know. I missed you, too. Traveling alone is very, very sad… At least it went well,” He sighed again and took to running a hand through that long, silver hair, “How’s the therapy going?”

“I’m getting a little better every day. I still wish I could've had something like this back when I was at Shinra. But you’re certainly aware of how much Shinra cared about mental health.”

“They had a monster leading the Science Department,” Cloud agreed. Sephiroth nuzzled against his neck with a small noise of discomfort at the mention of Hojo.

“They had a bigger monster leading the company,” Sephiroth said as he put Cloud back down. He kissed him gently and slowly, enough to steal both of their breaths away by the time they stopped, their foreheads resting against one another.

“We should be talking about going on a date, not about those assholes,” Cloud whispered against his lips.

It sounded very tempting after such a long time away.

“I think I’d rather stay inside tonight. We could… cook together.” He ran his hands down Cloud’s sides. “We could lit some candles and turn off the lights…”

“Alright, that’s much better than a date. It also makes you a big sap,” Cloud accused.

“I love you, too.”

Cloud couldn’t help but laugh and kiss him again, a little more intense than before, whispering sweet nothings in between; reminding Sephiroth to pick up his sword before they could go back home, but continuing to kiss him for another couple minutes or so.

At that very last moment before they left the church, Cloud couldn’t help but take a good look at him and think of their long journey until that point.

He took in the loving look in those pale, bright turquoise eyes. A man who no longer carried any ill intent within him, who was walking down this new path with him, a day at a time; moving forward while dealing with all that he couldn’t change.

Cloud offered him a hand when he was close enough again, longing for that little bit of shared closeness.

A hand that Sephiroth took, wordlessly, but with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it ends!
> 
> So, you might be asking, what happens now?
> 
> There might be some one-shots related to this, for one. I have some ideas, but if there's something you want me to expand on or explore, let me know! Other than that, I'll be touching on a few other WIPs and trying to get them moving in a proper pace again. So... keep an eye on this channel if you want to.
> 
> Or, if you wish to yell with me about Sephiroth being a big ol' sap, my tumblr is s-ephiroth. Feel free to drop a message.
> 
> And once again, thanks for being here ( . v .)/


End file.
